Darkness cloaks her shivering body
As she lays corpse-like on her bed.
She whimpers as he strips off her clothes,
His hands are so rough against her chest.
She closes her eyes so she can no longer see
The silhouette of her bedroom intruder.
She closes her eyes and she pretends
That this sickening nightmare isn't happening again.
Her voice is pleading, Please no more.
Daddy, its hurting, what are you doing?
His lips nuzzle her neck as he replies,
He tells her that he's educating her,
Teaching her how to be a good wife.
He groans and slams his body into her,
Harder and harder, over and over again.
Then when he's done he leaves her,
And the silence of the night rushes in again.
And
all
is
quiet
except
for
the
frightened
sobs
of
a
broken
child.
In a list
A contest entry
- Deep, emotional, Life poems, Leave me feeling your pain by LanguishedLad.
700 points, ended February 22, 2008, 16 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make Me Cry by Blooming Poet.
1200 points, ended May 19, 2008, 23 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 32 of 32
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That mother fuc***** bastard he is going to go to hell along with the rest of his kind. Sad poem, made me angry
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Bastard. Bastard. It hurts so much and the excuse he uses is ridiculous, these people anger me so much, I'm so sorry you know this pain.
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Poetic, and heart breakingly realistic. Beautiful job with this piece, and thank you for your insight into a SA childs life.
-Danneh<3
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Just such a story that happens to far too many children in this world. That someone's father can be sick enough to do this and call it 'educating' them as well, really does make me sad and angry at the same time. A child can never truly recover from being treated that way.
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The whole concept of this was sickening and so sad, but it's an every day truth that too many people go through. I thought the outline of it was pretty cliche, though. Many people have told the same story in the same way. Nonetheless, tragic and good write.
Thank you for entering, and good luck
Jeanette*~ -
this is such a powerful piece the words speak of such pain its amazingly strong in wording just wow well done
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This is a very powerful write on such a horrific subject. Thank you for entering the contest, good luck.
♥
whisper
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Thankyou for entering
WOW I have read this before and it has alot of wmotion in it and wish you all the best in the comp. -
Hey,
This is brilliant. You have A LOT of emotion in this, and it sucked me in. It's a very real poem, and very touching. I liked the ending and how you made into a pretty little thing :-D The ending also really captured how lonely it is to be abused.
Thanks for entering, good luck.
[x] [x] [x] -
In my opinion there are not harsh enough words to describe people who invade childrens privacy like this and anyones for that matters, but a child doesn't know nor can't defend themselves and as being an adult you are their role model and that's some damn bad rolemodeling. A father too, I just can't believe people can be so cruel. If you ever need to talk, I'm here though, anytime. Thank you for sharing this piece.
-
forgot the clappys....
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This is intense and deep with some powerful imagery. Its so sad that in this day and age things like this still happen. I think they should all be shot! Superbly penned hunni as always. Good luck in the contest with it
-
Left me speechless....
-
I must say,
the ending was phenomenal.
It leaves you with the feeling
of "all being lost".
On the technical side:
These lines would be better off with
some poetic device intervention, only
suggested...
"As she lays corpse-like on her bed.
She whimpers as he strips off her clothes,
His hands are so rough against her chest."
>>>"lays" should be "lies" as we don't lay, we lie down
"she whimpers" Though repetition is needed in some poetry, I feel 'she' takes away from the power of this one. Perhaps you could have said: "whimpers escape"
Something to that effect would draw imagery for the reader and also not use the word "she" so much.
Overall, it was a good read dear and
filled with sorrow and pain.
Thank you for sharing with us.
~The Inc." -
wow this is such an emotional write and it brought me to tears sis. im literally sobbing in school how embrassaing lol. well done sis
-
OMG Love It
Needs more C-L-A-P-Z -
OMFG!!!
I am like cryin rite now... no jok!!! That is Fukin amazin... SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Good jojo... i couldnt take my eyes of the page... well computer....
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I would keep it just the way it is, but that is my opinion. This was a heartbreaking read. I feel that every word was important and placed exactly where it needed to be. The emotional overcast of the writer is bold, leaving the reader so saddened for this child. This was one of the best poems I have read in awhile. Very good job!
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leave it!
wow. I know powerful emotion,you are soaked in it,and actually im speechless.I came on this site to share mine and i thought i was the only one who was going to have wretched sadness.I guess i will have to read more of yours before i can read on.
-
I think the last line should stay like that, broken as well.
This is very sad, especially knowing he'll be back tomorrow, and the day after, and everyday.
Its really sad.I think its among the worst things that can happen to anyone. -
wow. after reading this peice, that is pretty much all i can say. your poem sort of just sucked me in. it is very descriptive. and makes the reader feel like...i dont know. nothing like this has ever happened to me, but i know several who have had to deal with it as children, and this poem..is just really good.
anyways, id say leave it spaced out the way it is. it sort of completes it. and just puts more impact on that specific part.
amazing write. keep up the great work.
--silver.
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Loved it! Leave the last line spaced like it is. After what happens in the body of the poem, it's fitting; everything is now broken: broken child, broken sentence.
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Argh. This poem made my heart race. I was hurting for this child. :c
Great write... -
ummm
i think this is absolutely frightening. if that's what you're going form great job.
i feel disturbed, and maybe a little disgusted.
maybe like this.
And
all
is
quiet
except for
the frightened sobs
of
a
broken
child.
??? i dunno. just the flow seems different here. -
this was hard to read -- heartbreaking, really. I found the third stanza to be especially powerful.
"teaching her how to be a good wife" people are truly sick.
As for the last line and its spacing, I'm not a fan. the line is simply too long and the spacing drags it out. shorter words like "is" make the flow choppy. I would suggest breaking it into several longer lines, still shorter in contrast to the rest of the poem. Perhaps something along the lines of:
"And all is quiet
except for the frightened
sobs of a broken child." that's my two cents anyway
nice job here
Axel Gold -
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wow this it amazing...dont change it--its perfect
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stay the way it is!!!!!!!!!!
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ummmmm
Speachless, perfect the way it is.
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-tilts head again- yes. i do like it like that. just for the affirmative, whatever that means. yes.
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wow leave it how it is i love the way you wrote this and the emotion trapped in it. i love you sissy
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i think i like the last line the way it is now. -tilts head- yes. yes. i do. love you. love you lots. lotsa love. love kiki.
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