Lying in the dirt as perfect cinnamon
It glitters and shows its many tears
Bringing laughter and bringing Joy
Causing awe from any direction
While the sun shines on it's many pores
Though it is costly
And though it could be lost
It’s treasured amongst all
And has one main name and fraise
Diamonds are a girl’s best friend
Author notes
There were many things i could have chose but this was the one that stood out the most.
A contest entry
- The Essence of Stone..... by torn dragonfly.
700 points, ended January 16, 2008, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Cliche's and Common Sayings by Shancy Fayre.
500 points, ended February 15, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pimp up my prewrites by leander.
650 points, ended February 21, 2008, 108 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - SHORT POEMS PART 2 by Blooming Poet.
700 points, ended March 23, 2008, 129 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
tell me how i did plz.
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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Diamonds are a girl’s best friend
TE-HE
*looks at the promise ring*
I love diamonds.
Love this, especially here:
Lying in the dirt as perfect cinnamon
It glitters and shows its many tears
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Ooh, cinnamon
that's a word I haven't seen to be used in relationship with diamonds - but I like it good job on this one!
Leander -
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Thank you very much!
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Oh, this is so sweet. I really enjoyed it. Good work.
Good luck in the contest. Shancy. -
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thank you!
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Now THAT'S an extremely beautiful beginning
I am hooked!
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Thank you very much!
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I like the way you described diamonds so creatively. I didn't even notice you were talking about a diamond until the end. Nice usage with the common phrase at the end.
The only thing I can see that might need improvement is the beginning line when you said "dirt so brown". I find it more tasteful when writers avoid using plain colors and plain description. Your hook might be better if you use a little metaphor here or use a ,ore descriptive color than just brown.
Thanks for sharing.
M a r l u x i a
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Thank you very much!I can defiently find a different word to use instead of brown.
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aww, this was adorable....great descriptions and phrases, I really like the lines "It glitters and shows its many tears", "While the sun shines on its many pores". You might even consider expanding on those lines Great write
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Thank you very much, i will definently consider it.
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I like this...Diamonds are a girls best friend...How true, lol.
Your wording is excellant, and the construction of this write was perfect.
Good luck! and keep writing
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Thank you very much,it means a lot to me. I will definently keep on writing.
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Oh, lovely write. I adore the metaphoric power and imagery. Very well done. It has a very elegant and majestic feel to it; sort of piece that evokes a sense of awe and wonder. I really liked the lines, "Though it is costly/ And though it could be lost/ It's treasured amongst all" that sense of rarety makes it all the more precious. And of course, love the last line. Very lightly humored, I felt, sort of cheerful, yet solemn. Very lovely, excellent write! Well done!!!
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Thank you again Funnel, you always make me feel good about what i write. Especially when other's bring me down. I figured i'd add a line that has been frequently used to make it funny, and i guess it worked. But thank's again your a great friend!
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