We all know it well,
The edge of the cliff,
when your about to fall.
The brink, the climax.
We've all felt it,
That feeling that tells us,
The trait of remorse,
Echoing that all we know is at an end.
The final breath,
The curtain call,
The sand on the beach,
That gets wiped away.
We all go through it.
The yelling and screaming,
The kicking and fighting,
That whispers to us,
"You're wrong, you know?"
It hits us like a hammer,
A cold gust of wind,
A smack on the face,
That just won't go away.
Yet we've refused for so long,
To see how it is.
And now there's just no way,
To forget it's smug face.
But it will come, we know.
Someday, most likely, soon,
And all as we know,
Is swept away with the tide.
Yes, all as I've known,
Is heading out to the sea,
Getting washed up with the seashells,
Swept away with the tide.
Author notes
To my parents.
A contest entry
- 19 to 25 enter your best prewrites Judged by RedwingSpirit.
850 points, ended January 17, 2008, 34 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Contest~Your Choice by Dak.
600 points, ended January 16, 2008, 26 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Contest on invitation by Anna Emkah.
600 points, ended February 3, 2008, 9 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I by N e a r.
2300 points, ended February 3, 2008, 220 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Definitely a mesmerzing piece. You used minimum [vivid] visuals, but you spoke to the reader in such a mature and profound way. Wonderful write.
Thanks for entering your write at A N Y T H I N G ~ G O E S ! Good luck!
M a r l u x i a
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It is a good thing that you told me that this poem is about your feelings concerning the separation of your parents. Since there is nothing in the category (top right) and no explanation in your Author Notes, it is hard to understand what your poem is about. So, be wise and give a hint - you will see that gives you a better chance in winning a contest. A host cannot go into your brain.
Reading the poem again with this knowledge I get quite different feelings about it. I felt your desperation with the fact that you saw the break coming and all you could do was wait for it to happen. Very nice indeed. I am glad I read it again.
I wonder: Do you mean 'the curtain falls' (second line, third stanza). That's an expression for something to end (like in a theatre). Good luck in the contests.
Anna.
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Very nicely written, I love how you use "we" and "us" keeping yourself involved, yet letting the reader into your world, letting them feel part of it.
"Yes, all as I've known,"
Was that a typo, or was it supposed to be like that? It seems the "as" is unnecessary. Thank you for entering this interesting piece into my contest :]
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Commnet by Judge
This is interesting but it’s not what I’m looking for in this particular contest.
There is one place here where you say “your” when you mean “you’re”.
If you have something more lighthearted, I would appreciate it if you
would remove this poem and post the other one. You’ll have to hurry
before the contest ends.
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This is very good. That's an emotion I've been feeling lately but was unable to express. I couldn't think of the words. Great job. You make me proud, lol!
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Very Nice.
I Really like it, great job. No one and writes the way you do. I hope you win!
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Good job. I love how easy you've made it to follow. I appreciate(probably spelled that wrong) poems like this much more than I do the ones that leave you lost and wondering what the heck you missed. Thank you for entering.
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Very nice write Thank you for taking the time to enter this into my contest I wish you the best of luck.
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