god missed the boy on the public bus.
aim for the head.
don't forget the face takes
inhaling seriously.
i taped you over;
i was caught speeding &
left in a ditch near route 113.
I'm still using red tape;
it's as impersonal as i could get.
plus the holes match
the delicate fracture in your gaze.
cheap panic.
jupitar in a shell.
i never said it was
famous to be this way.
i take it you got my optimistic wrist.
split in two
[like a wishbone]
one for me
& a double shot of
'give me your terrible nothing'
could i just take one second
to watch this showcase;
the miracle of the hour
where you find the sky is a belated
tribute to
our soil ridden hearts
dreaming of something blue green & wet.
not the ocean
not your eyes.
Author notes
well.
first of all this is the longest one i've written in a long time.
for some reason i couldnt stop.
its so i dont know. im not sure.
the title is long too ha.
i saw a real picture.. of a comet, fireworks and lightening. it was..inspiring:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v243/BleedingMilk/mcnaught3_kemppainen.jpg
the poem in itself is a bit raw; not sure if i want to change anything but you know im always up for suggestions.
In a list
f.u.m.b.l.e
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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where you find the sky is a belated
tribute to
our soil ridden hearts
dreaming of something blue green & wet.
not the ocean
not your eyes.
BAHH. i love you. this was uhhmaaaazzinnggg -
baby;; you wrap my head in so many directions i don't know where to begin...
could i just take one second
to watch this showcase;
the miracle of the hour
where you find the sky is a belated
tribute to
our soil ridden hearts
dreaming of something blue green & wet.
not the ocean
not your eyes.mmmmh doll, it's lucious.
how do you do it??
you come up with these Beyond Exceptional similes and such...
it's bogling to imagine..
i wanna get inside your head and sit there for a day,, so that i can see how your mind moves.
this is lovely.
♥ ♥
[[alexsis]]
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i never said it was
famous to be this way.
idk why, but i love that line.
but i loveeee you wayyyyyyyyy more, bby.
<333
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yarg!
i like this BECAUSE you couldn't stop. it's truly sensational. the first line is like, whoa, must read on, and when i hit:
"i take it you got my optimistic wrist.
split in two
[like a wishbone]
one for me
& a double shot of
'give me your terrible nothing'"
that was a good one. very cool.
-
-god missed the boy on the public bus.
haha. used to be train for me in the past semester. i think he ended up thinking i was a stalker. but i swear, our gaze met accidentally every time. it was not planned or anything.
-nice ending.
-lightning is fantastic.
overall, nice.
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dreaming of something blue green & wet.
not the ocean
not your eyes.
thats a gorgeous image if i ever saww one.<3 this was beautiful honey. raw is good. this is fastpaced and full of emotion.<3
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I agree with the former commenter; don't change a thing. I think every image brings the emotion to a higher level.
You get the award for most intriguing metaphor I've read in a long, long time; in fact, I think, ever:
"i take it you got my optimistic wrist.
split in two"
Honestly, I have no idea what that thought means, but I adore everything about it; the phrasing is flawless, and like I said - it just asserts poignancy.
I love that first line. It opens the piece up wonderfully, and the ending is equally matched in power.
Great work - another favorite of mine from you.
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thank you so very much
and about the phrase.. i think as i was writing that; i thought of violence in the form of words but put in a more metaphorical way. grabbing something that was positive and snapping it. but again thank you for the comment ♥
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no no no no no no don't change it
don't
just don't
i adore how this is. every inch of it. how it seems fragmented and sort of skips from one thing to another. it's like being on a boat and rocking from side to side; each edge there is a different idea or a different face and there's just so much to take in.
if i'm honest this is some of the best imagery you've woven in a while. it's original. it's like electricity after a year of candlelight. bright. sparks so much in my brain
i'm rambling
i like, i like
i love
this and you
<3
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you've put a real smile on my face.
thank you.. its a gift i cherish
ily more <3
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