Death is Divine

I am in despair
But who cares
Every body is aching
In his own way
I feel hopeless
Is it sinful?
Or maybe helpless
That I can't fulfill
I once wrote about
The life of a flower
I once wrote about
Tomorrow and what it brings
A flower is sad
With no water or care
and will eventually die
such a short life without
water, love or care
Tomorrow will come
Always on the same time
But what It brings is never the same
laugh or cry, sad or fair
Sometimes I feel worthless
Sometimes I feel pointless
Sometimes I feel I am nothing
Falling in this black hole
Sometimes I want to go
Inside this black hole
Not to discover it, not interested
Sometimes I just need to be there
If there is nothing there I don't care
I just want to be inside alone
I just want shelter I just want spare
Spare myself of all life and living
I 'll never be a simple person
I'll never settle for anything
I feel I want to be a warrior
A soldier or a defender
For all the injustice in this world
I am tired of material people
They force their shadow on you
You have to speak to them
In the language they understand
They twist it you become them
And they become you
What an evil trick
Material people are greedy
Twisting facts they want to use you
And if you try to stop them they accuse you
Of being materialistic as if this way
They will clear themselves while deep
Inside they know the wrong is in them
Greed and love for money comes first
They attack you with their own faults
They feel victory as if they changed facts
They lie then believe their own lies
They don't get it that whatever they say or do
Will not make them generous humans
And will not make generous people greedy
I am sick and tired of playing this game
Defending myself against false accusations
That is happening on a daily basis
I want to be helpful
I want to be of value
I want to be something
Of treasure of use
Of benefit or recluse
I just want my heart to be with God
For God I want relief
I want release
I want connection
To what is high and divine
I am sick and tired of fighting my way
In this life, I am sick and tired of losing and winning
I just want to surrender
I want stillness
I want calmness
I want quietness
I want death
Tears no more
Pain no more
Fuss no more
Only gentle gentle death
Be in the presence of God
In his ultimate mercy
That is the only wish for me
It is the only place where I will feel
Comfort, happiness and peace
This is where I will truly exist