Mediating.....
Inhaling deeper breath
Verging with God's eternal power
Merging ethereal love's universe...
Exhaling impurities from polluted lungs
Resuscitating sorrowful soul
Cleansing breathing ethereal love's perfume....
Energizing soul
With Wisdom to survive
Author notes
Artist is: Melonie Weidner
Picture Title:"Breathe"
Website to other beautiful pictures:http://www.listenforjoy.com/prints.html
20 words only
A contest entry
- 20 words only #3 by delightfulmess.
450 points, ended January 18, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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The poem overall is very nice. i really think you could build on this and make it long.
The only thing that catches me is the use of "Resuscitating". i don't know if it's because it's a word we so seldome use these days, or if it's just that it really is a bit of an awkward word to use. For it's purpose, it works fine, but it is a word that can throw the reader. Maybe look into a simlie? Just an idea of course. -
Beautiful. Just like meditating
Full of higher ponderings... makes me ask questions and stay calm... lurvely.
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Love this,it's calming.
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What a interlaced connectivity is designed through the wonderful travel of the sentiments and the great immagery around the words ...well done..
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Oh. This is a nice little poem that you have written here. I like that it's short and right to the point. It sounds like you're a very open person with the way that this has been written. I think that you've done a good job of writing this.
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I like your word choices in this Well done.
Thank you for entering my contest.
Delila
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How we see so many different things when looking at the same picture- all in our past experiences, and how we interpret the inspirational picture. Liked the alliteration in these lines.
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Mediating, or meditating. I wasn't sure because lines two and three seem very much like meditating. Energizing resuscitating soul, doesn't make sense to me, i probably wouldn't have used resuscitating.
i dont know its good but needs work
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Flow was off for me, imagery was here and there...fourth and fifth lines threw the piece off...fifth better than fourth but didn't really care for either. Fourth line just sounds too much like one's trying to impress by using a large word that doesn't really flow well here, same issue with the fifth line...large words aren't always needed to impress the reader, sometimes it's the most basic and simplistic words that smack us with feelings we can't ignore.
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lovely
A good take on the picture and title, although very simular to my post i noticed!! lol.A few lines nicked, but hey, if my words inspired you to write something along the same lines as mine, then i am honored.I wish you all the best in this contest.
Take care,
~Whispers~ -
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Hey I think you need to understand that we are looking at the same picture here and might have used some words that are tha same but my poem is quite different to yours.
This is your poem .....
~* The Light Of Love *~
~*~ ~*~ ~*~
Transmitting through
the light of love,
verging with the universe,
inhaling its warm embrace,
surrounding the body,
energising the soul.
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ -
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Hello rosepoet,
Please forgive me if my comment on your poem/entry somehow offended you.In no way was it meant to be as that, and it was not a personal dig at you, for I would never do that to a fellow poet.I do realise that we are looking at the same picture, and do realise that alot of poets will choose the same words to fit the picture and its theme.Still,I wish you all the best in the contest.
Take care,
~whispers~
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