I don't know what to say,
I don't know how to feel,
I just keep closing my eyes,
and hoping this isn't real,
You didn't do it,
Your not dead,
I keep playing those words,
In the back of my head,
I'm hurting inside,
I feel so bad,
That the last words between us,
Were in scorn, I was so mad,
It should have been I love you,
I'm sorry and I'm wrong,
Not the same old hurtful song,
All the times you made me cry,
Deep inside it was all a lie,
You never meant to make me sad,
It was just the bottle that made you bad,
You were more of a father to me,
Than mine ever was or will ever be,
And I hope you in heaven,
Waiting for me,
Until then I'll think of all the good times we had,
Teaching me to fish, to play pool,
Wrestling in the kitchen, and dancing like fools,
The jokes,the songs, the ultimate cruises,
Teaching me to ride a bike, then holding my hand while mom cleaned All the bruises,
Building snowmen,
And you being there for the birth of my children,
I miss you Pete and I always will,
Love Amanda your little girl.
Author notes
I wrote this poem for my stepdad. He committed suicide Saturday night. Him and my mother got into a fight about his drinking he had been a big alcoholic and she had told him to leave she called his sister and while on the phone in the hallway she heard a bang. She ran out to find him on the couch with a gun in his mouth he had shot himself. He was dead instantly but yet my mom being a nurse had tried to save him. I didn't get along with him very well we had our differences but I loved him yet the last words I said to him was that I hated him during a fight. Im going crazy here my eyes hurt so bad from crying and this is my only way to tell him how I feel. I just hope he will hear it wherever he went.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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this is just so sad and i cant imagine what you went through. i am sure he hears your penned notes and feels your inner thoughts. god bless
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This piece is a wonderful collection of the good and the bad.
I'm sorry for what you're going through....
Your mind is hurting and so is your body with such a loss even though not close.
You aren't to blame that there was a bad exchange of words the last time you two were in the same room.
You didn't know and neither did anyone else about what was going to happen next.
Thank you for sharing this in your difficult times. Keep on writing for you have lots to say, share, teach, and learn from yourself and others.
Take care
~Night
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that is so truly beautiful, we all say hurtful things when we are angry, i'm sure he knew how much you loved him.
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I'm very very sorry for your pain. this is a beautiful piece, and a wonderful tribute. Just a word about the formatting though...because of the colours in the background, I found this difficult to read. You might want to look at a different background, or a brighter font colour
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