I feel weak today,
And I am sad,
As I walk my way
To the coffee shop.
Into the nearest seat
I collapse;
After a long day's feat
It's right, perhaps.
I have nothing to do,
I am glad.
For my loneliness, too,
I am glad.
The coffee shop is empty,
The air is dry.
I only hear, from inside me,
My inner voice cry.
But here comes a stranger,
Unknown to me.
The heavens cry a thunder
Outside at a tree;
And in that sudden light,
I see his face:
His colour rather too white,
Yet eyes full of grace.
He strides across the room
Towards me.
His slow walk speaks of doom;
He sits across me.
He settles his overcoat,
Long and black,
His long hair, ruffled:
The colour of slack.
"I hope I'm not disturbing you"
"Not at all," I say.
But now my loneliness, too,
To his presence gives way.
We havn't had introductions
Yet we know each other.
"And how are you today?"
"Fine, thank you, brother!"
And now we start conversing,
Unwary of the world.
I lose all track and rhyming,
And gossip like a girl.
He asks me about my life:
I don't know what to say.
He asks, "Are you satisfied?"
"Pretty much, at least today."
A chilling sensation fills me:
I feel a bit too cold,
Yet his presence lends warmth, and glee;
This warmth I try to hold.
He asks me again- never-ending questions-
"Do you grow weary of the world?"
This time I know what I've to say.
To answer, I let go of the hold.
"O! Grieving sighs I breathe everyday,
And everyday I fight my existence.
And I think, and ponder, do I deserve
To be ignored and let thus hence?
Is it not that I should live
To the last syllable of recorded time
With pride and honour and valour; and bid
Goodbye to my fears prime?
I do grow weary, I should retire,
But I can take more: a lot more.
For after a long time of pain and tire,
I finally find happiness in my core."
"Take a word of advice," he tells,
"Never think you deserve more.
For the world shall take it all from you
And, to your grievances, leave no cure.
You think you lived a happy time,
You should be satisfied and content:
For there are many who weep their life
'O Lord, no happiness to me have you lent!'
If you have been weary and now find happiness,
Take no more: no more.
For we all strive to end it a happy life,
While you strive for an ending sore."
This world is full of discontent;
Today I learn a lot from him.
He makes me feel happy for what God's lent,
My mere existence is all due to Him.
Now I don a smile on my face,
"One more coffee, pray, before I go."
I am almost ready to leave this place;
He holds me, reminds me, "It's already time to go!"
He gets up from his place,
Takes my hand
And leads me out,
Into the morning dew.
His silence, his actions
I cannot understand;
I stop him, and ask,
"Who are you?"
Author notes
Well, like for many of the greatest creations in the world, the cry of 'Eureka!' for this one too came in my bathroom where I had thought out the theme.
This piece is my first attempt at a monologue (Not quite ending up as one in the end, though). A man thinks and speaks of his life, when he meets a stranger in a coffee shop. The poem centres on their conversation and how the man realises that he has actually lived a happy life, and not one full of discontent and sadness as he had thought earlier.
Once you have read this, I'm sure you will have realised who the stranger is, and the realisation might even don upon you much before the final verse.
I hope the 'mystery' of his identity has been handled well and you enjoyed the read (After me having wasted a healthy ninety minutes writing 'A Conversation Ere The End' when I should have been studying Physics for my exam in a couple of days).
PS: Though this is a healthy 96 line long poem, I still feel that it is incomplete. Unfortunately, my exams are going on right now, and will continue to do so till march..
"Yet, when we can entreat an hour to serve,
We shall spend it in some words upon that business"
In the meantime, I hope this still seems a complete piece!
A contest entry
- Options Options Options by GirlAnachronism.
475 points, ended January 15, 2008, 21 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Bring It All by Simply Simple.
1800 points, ended February 26, 2008, 120 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pre-writes & Fresh Writes Welcome Here! by LadyUnique.
300 points, ended January 17, 2008, 65 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - [x] Lots of options [x] Something for everyone! Read! by Jade-.
450 points, ended January 28, 2008, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - i JUST WANT Y0UR BEST! by DAMSELx.
600 points, ended January 23, 2008, 26 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Stories by warrior-eagle.
500 points, ended January 27, 2008, 13 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything Goes by karmacae.
700 points, ended February 14, 2008, 67 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I by N e a r.
2300 points, ended February 3, 2008, 220 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What doth thou feel?
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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There's so much I have to say for this poem.
LOL at the authors note (first one), for the first thing.
I loved this part right here:
""Take a word of advice," he tells,
.......
While you strive for an ending sore.""
It's so amazing and extraordinary how you penned this. Insightful and so melodic and flowing. I was entranced the whole entire time, and I usually am not that way to lengthy writes!
Unfinished? I find it best to leave the reader askig at that universal question : "who are you?" I was wondering that throughout the whole poem, and man am I stumped!
Great write! Thanks for the brilliant read!
Thanks for sharing & entering your write in A N Y T H I N G ~ G O E S ! Good luck!
M a r l u x i a
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I enjoyed this read and had figured out who the stranger was, but I thought it a bit long. Sometimes you can say everything you need without the length, but I'm not familiar with monologues, LOL. I see you've won Gold! Good job here!
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yea, i also thought its a bit long (and that really lessens the no. of comments received per feature click, you know!) the fact is that my frnd had written a long poem (and a good one that too) and this was a sort of a challenge for me to write something this long! though i also believe that often "less is more"!
thanks a lot. glad you liked it
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Ooh.
Was the stranger the same person?
I certainly hope so or I read the monologue wrong,
I wrote a monologe a long time ago and this reminded me of it, but I lost it, either way this was a good monologue.Thanks for entering my contest.
...Simply Me♥ -
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hi. thanks for your comments.. i realised that the term 'monologue' is actually not apt for this piece.. it isnt he himself...though, it can be the 'Source' talking from inside him (but thats just something that struck me after reading ur comment )
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I kept reading this, hoping for the amusing bit, but it never came. In short, there was nothing funny in this item at all. Nor anything rude. So what was the point of entering in my contest?
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oh! im really sorry for disappointing you. twas my mistake to have missed the 'humour' part. i just read "PW allowed" and "JESUS" and thought "wow, that doesnt come often.." and i entered.
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GOLD WINNER!
Congratulations on winning the gold! This poem was everything I WASN'T looking for but became everything I WAS by the time I got done with it!! Amazing write, and once again, thank you for entering my first contest! -
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Thanks a lot, damsel! Its really nice to have finally created something thats won me a gold (it had been 2 years now!)
Waiting for your next contest now
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Oh my word.
The last lines sent chills down my spine. I must say, one of the best poems I have ever read. This is one that I will read over and over and never get tired of. I loved it.
Thank you for entering this piece, good luck!
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Very good.
Hey,
I liked this a lot. I can tell you have put a lot of work into this, and I was quite shocked to see your age. I thought you would have been older [that is a compliment, honest!] I like the emotion you've put in this, and how deep it is. Well done.
Thanks for entering my contest, and good luck!
[x] -
All I can say is wow
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it's obvious how much work you've put into this poem. heart too thank you for your entry and best of luck
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ok
I also got the feeling of this being somewhat incomplete, but strong enough to stand on its own. I liked the telling of the encounter, although it seemed a bit melodramatic in the whole 'O! Woe is me' thing. Explaining loneliness is one thing, actually having to say that your inner voice cries is quite another. Yes, I know, it was part of the point, but even still. Additionally, I found that in your effort to make this piece as emotional as possible, you chose to integrate certain techniques of archaic writing that you personally deem to be powerful and dramatic. The old writes are good writes not because they are old or written in an ancient way, they are emotional and dramatic because of good writing in a way that was standard at the time, and any use of similar writing techniques for a similar feel by association belittles your writing and theirs, and cheapens the piece. Other than that, great point.
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this is indeed one deeeep piece of work by you, and it has come out very well!!
the poem indeed picturises a poignant situation... it is very fast moving and thought provoking..!
thoroughly enjoyed it!
good work! keep it up!!
take care.
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This was an excellent poem with a splenid message. I must say, you have outdone yourself. What a wonderful poem with such and unplifting concept.
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"And how are you today?"
"Fine, thank you, brother!"
He asks, "Are you satisfied?"
"Pretty much, at least today."
those along with the fifth stanza. i really like this poem a lot. good use of dialogue, the rhyming wasn't distracting or forced. i think i'm a little too tired and stressed to figure out who this stranger is. unless you're referring to Jesus? hmmm. good write, thanks for entering! -
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Ya, well, the stranger is a goody-goody version of the Grim Reaper!
He's come to take my character to heaven (or hell)
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OMG !!! BHAAAI BHAUKAAL!!
message rocks
format rocks
rhyming rocks[how on earth couldst thou manage to rhyme the bloody whole poem !!! the most i did ever was 12 lines!!!]
nice subtlety flowing thruout the poem which just reminds one of how subtle this poem is!!cool!!
nice try using short lines...the same was done by tagore in fluter-music and if thy did read the critical appreciation by KJ JOSE..thou musteth feel proud!!
godly work..i daresay it was worth the time you spent here and sacrificing the fizix time...
6 hands and a pair of legs in applauding thy piece o' "conversation ere the end'
PS-forgot to mention...title rocks too
and 'what doth thou feeleth'..hmm nice thinking..
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thanks man.. undoubtedly the most heart-rendering and uplifting comment iv received..
i ll just say one thing, and im sure u ll repeat after me
"All hail 'the toilet seat', Hail to thee, Throne of Poetry!"
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