She is an ermine gown
that subdues iced dawns sharpness,
like quilt thrown over deathly sleeping bodies,
blending all into subtle soft melody
of distant symphony,
and we mark her in hurried exclamations
of stomped feet, like cold bullet holes
in old flesh, each penetration carrying
a little more away, a little more evidence
of the crime.
Her shroud is torn, bony fingers of
skeleton trees drape her flesh about themselves,
perhaps in remembrance for fallen
fruits; for children gone away,
for yesterday’s,
but she is beautifully deceased, lying alabaster
like chalk upon teacher’s hand,
filling each crease, each blemish ‘till they
fade into the subfusc obscurity
of conformity.
She cannot survive,
this Lady Grey of nature’s nobility.
This interlude between acts serves
only to remind us that a new song
is already being composed,
and though she is radiant like debutante,
we have seen her too many times.
Author notes
"Lady Jane" & "Lady Grey" are references to Lady Jane Grey (The Nine Day Queen) - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lady_Jane_Grey
A contest entry
- 40 Golden Poets.... {Invite Only} by PerfectImperfection.
600 points, ended February 7, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Where's my stinkin' trophy? by Great Cthulhu.
1500 points, ended April 25, 2008, 47 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Seasons... [prewrites permitted] =] by sora..
600 points, ended September 20, 2008, 59 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Got an HM You Think Deserves Better? by Paloszoo.
900 points, ended April 9, 36 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Be honest
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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This has incredible imagry, so vivid and depth. Your words flow very smootly. I really enjoyed this piece and good luck in the contest.
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Hi. Thanks for entering my contest and good luck! I’ve decided to use a slightly edited version of my friend Arkbear’s grading scoreboard to help me judge this contest. I hope he doesn’t mind. It’ll aid me in organizing my thoughts and judging fairly versus randomly. I hope you enjoy it and find it helpful. Writers with the highest possible points out of 80 will obviously win
Title Appeal: 9.85 – Beautiful title. I don’t think I’d click on it, though. Still, it’s really pretty.
Poem Flow: 9.95 – Stunning read. Flowed like silk.
Depth: 10 – Metaphors held great power and impact. Visually superb in every way!
Emotional Impact: 9.45 – As beautiful as this was, I couldn’t wrap my brain around it and emotionally connect with it until the last stanza. Not the poem’s flaw, but my own shortcoming.
Spelling and Grammar: 10 – Well done!
Punctuation and Caps: 10 – Need I say more?
Presentation: 9.85 – Loved it!
Personal Appeal: 9.85 – Not my genre, but this really appealed to me. Well written!
My score: 78.95/80.00
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Bravo!
This is a perfectly beautiful vision of the seasons. I really enjoyed your vocabulary. These are my favorite lines: "blending all into subtle soft melody
of distant symphony," - wonderful imagery and alliteration, well done! Keep your pen to the page and thanks for entering!
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I'll admit to the fact that you have a knack of a full end line punch hard enough to make someone stumble [metaphorically]
Well, I went to that link and I have to say that I'm more interested in the peice having read that. I find the subtle alliteration in certain places to be helpful - almost as if they belonged there and would depreciate the write had it not been present.
You like the word "subfusc" don't you? Everytime I read it, I have to look it up again. It'll be a word I'll never forget one day
Never ♥
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Such amazing imagery and depth woven throughout. That second stanza was just incredible... Very well written piece of thought. Nicely penned. Thank you so much for your entry & Best wishes in the contest!
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great write, very deep and rather sad too, the imagery creates such a sad image it works really well, I think chandni will love this one, a nice shiny is heading your way, good luck
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This is amazing, Bro.......Sigh....
How do you do it....You make it look so easy to just keep whipping out masterpieces...I love this one....
Excellent....once again
Lynda
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So beautiful, yet a bit sad to.
I very much enjoyed this piece.
loveandblessings2u & yours always
Joyce
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Sad, yet beautiful at the same time. Great imagry while reading, placing me at the scene. Well, done thanks for sharing
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I like it, It speaks deeply. I hope I can get as good a poet as you some day.
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Beautifully expressed, excellent use of metaphor, compelling write hun. loved it Hugs, Bunny
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Love this!! Very unique take on the theme of seasons relenting to the next. Well-written and just lovely. Best of luck in the contest.
"This interlude between acts serves
only to remind us that a new song
is already being composed,
and though she is radiant like debutante,
we have seen her too many times."
Favorite part of the poem.
Wolfie
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deep
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Awesome piece again ~ and interesting topic from the self selection
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1 - 14 of 14
