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kalpa

 

doll


bound to ligaments and bone,

wrought from broad conditions, ocean deep,

an ego manifests from out the void.

unsure of what it is and all it seems to be,


the puppet primps and preens, convinced

a self exists which animates the limbs,

buried deep behind those wooden eyes

that study every feature reflected from the mirror.


from out the depths of mystery

hidden strings connect at every joint—

each act of will, intention, feeling, thought

forever yanked by tethers attached to strong desires.


the puppet strives to find its way,

rag-dolled all across the stage of life,

forever split between resolves and doubts

as countless unseen forces grope out to jerk its wires.



dream


vapors swirl around and round,

revealing random moments through the gray.

shadows gaze from out the looking glass,

silhouettes of selfhood outlined in the haze.


towers loom, return to gloom,

warped in folds of ever phasing mists.

power poles appear and disappear

drifting through the halflight like momentary ghosts.


years wrinkle into furrowed skin,

the past and present bound to creaking joints.

vision blurs to fancy, folded in

reflection, fantasy, and regrets now half recalled.


memories dissolve in fogs,

welled from seas of enigmatic depths,

or fade into the dim obscurity

of distances too great for the greatest mind to scan.



stream


potential storms from out the void,

gathered into wide torrential flows.

circumstances surge against the shores,

reshaping every moment the waterways of mind.


and every river finds its way

to where abysmal psyches rise and fall,

bound to heavy currents old as time,

gripped by massive motions recircled round the soul.


egos crest on countless waves,

reflecting momentary shades of light,

salient on the undulating seas

of bottomless conditions recycled through the deep.


breath evaporates to join

the birth of oceans, rivers, clouds and stars,

convolved forever with emergent shades

of consciousness, embodied by ever changing forms.

 

 

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Comments

1 - 25 of 25

  • Dryad Enya
    July 1
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    Your talen here is quite intent, the simplisty of the subject has been written in great depth, only a true poet could achieve. I can see no improvement areas and can see that it need not be a doll at the end of your strings!

    Best of luck in future writting!
    Gorecki


    • Zahhar gold member
      July 1
      Edit | Reply
      This is among my personal favorites, as well. Glad you enjoyed. Thanks for the kudos and best of luck!

  • Oh. This is an interesting set of poems that you have penned in here. I liked how they are all different but you could tell that they connected to each other. You have a lot of nice phrasing to this and I could see that it was layered with meaning though I probably only understood part of it.

  • barenakedteeth
    October 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "forever yanked" seemed out of place.
    "countless unseen forces" seemed overdone. How about "hidden stagehands..."
    "convinced a self exists..." All of the sudden we're in too far - we can plainly see what you're trying to say. Put this off; maybe indefinitely. Maybe just hint at it, but don't "tell us."
    "power poles"?
    I love the idea of a doll for this. And the black background plays well with it.
    That's all I'll say for now, as I didn't read the whole thing; this poem has got me thinking...
    (nice job!)

    edit: interesting you used "doll" instead of "puppet"

    • Zahhar gold member
      October 15, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      A subjective "we"!

      Actually this poem confuses more people than you'd think, as do most of my trisects. After writing a few purely visual trisects, here I decided to throw in a few cues hoping not to lose the reader utterly. Yet I also didn't want to give too much away.

      Now I have to go back to my notes to recall the focus of the first segment, "doll"...

      Woahkay, now "doll" doesn't focus on the "self", but the "body", or corporal form. Since the trisect shouldn't give away the focus of its segments, the reference to "self" is safe. From what I understand, it is possible to develop the "self" such that "self perception" can remain tangible even after the body has deceased.

      The second segment focuses on "mind", and the third on "samsara". Less is given away as the poem progresses, since I was hoping the first few giveaways would hook the reader in to reading through to the end.

      There's a metrical pattern to the lines, so the "countless unseen forces" was a hard won match for the mood and meter of its place. "forever yanked" felt right to me from the beginning, since this is exactly how karma acts on our puppet limbs.

      Glad you commented! I love being forced to rethink my choice of words and images. And I'm still thinking.

      "power poles"--well I'll let you play with the second segment some more. It's consciousness-clips from our current perceived reality. I've tried to choose images that portray a sense of transmission and impermanence.


  • Johnny Ash
    June 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I really enjoyed this poem. I dig the alliteration and rhyme, as well as the half-rhyme. Your lines are packed with complex images and a very somber and creative tone.
    I liked it.


  • zigdaddy silver member
    May 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    masterful...I will read this again and again. I do appreciate the art you've put into this product. Fabulous use of assonance, consonance. My personal taste would call for a little less punctuation; it is mildly distracting. The first part of this is much more easlily relatable. Like the doll as a symbol for man/woman.


  • Rj
    May 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is nicely done, the form enhances the spirit of the missive. The texture is rich and the images as tactilly intanable as the subject. Frankly, this is slick writing and ranks among your best work.

    I've played with this topic and never really produced a satisfactory product. Thanks for showing me how it's done well.

    Rainbows,

    ~RJ~

    PS, I think the word soul is a typo, perhaps self might be a more accurate term?

    • Zahhar gold member
      May 7, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks, RJ. This was a real serious effort for me, and I was pretty disappointed when no-one who read it seemed to appreciate what went into it. You've just alleviated that disappointment in whole.


  • I-Like-Rhymes gold member
    March 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    When I first read this in January I was struck by so many different images that they swamped my senses and I felt unable to fully comprehend what you were trying to do.
    After a few readings the three pieces are seperating in my mind into strong individual pieces although still bound together with clear ties.
    Of the three I found the first to be most in tune with my feelings about life and the way we are constantly being tugged hither and yon by a variety of forces we have no real control over.
    The second and third, for me, depict internal rather tha external forces at play in my mind and altering my perceptions of things.
    You have done a good job in transmitting these ideas (if indeed that was the intention ) and I believe many readers will have had the lightbulb moment when they see the parallels with their own life processes.
    Well done.


  • forever.earth
    March 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    wonderful. I cannot wait to read more of your poems.


  • Sylvyrwyng gold member
    February 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Thought provoking

    this trio of poems is so diverse and yet they ring with the same question of who am I and what purpose do I have here.

    With the Doll, it is the eternal struggle to maintain a living essence within the numbness that is so prevalent in the world today. We have become numb inside, searching for the very essence that is our own individual soul.

    Dream - I swear hon, in this poem you have literally stepping into my own subconcious and walked there for a long time. These words reach so deeply within myself that I had to read them several times before I could go on. Swirling fog and ambivilence are strong in my right now and your words just bring it back to the forefront in order to remind me not to lose myself again.

    Scream - brought forth the images of Mother Earth, crying out to all of us in pain for the scars and pain that we have caused Her. She feeds us, holds us within Her heart and yet we are the ones that cause Her the most pain. There will come a day when She will turn on us again and things will no longer be the way they are now. Perhaps with all that is going on in today this is Mother Earth's scream.


    • Zahhar gold member
      February 28, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      enjoyed your thoughts and your interpretive process. thank you.

  • WritingWretch silver member
    February 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    well accomplished drift

    One of the big questions that preoccupies me - am I merely the product of my conditioning? - resonates in "Doll", along with the recognition that it takes a lot of work to "know thy self". It takes a lifetime; espically because "thy self" is not static. Often "thy past self" is pulling the strings of "thy persent self.

    "Dream" evokes sliding into alzhimers.

    "Stream" Initialy recalls entering Dante's "Purgatorio"
    to discover reincarnation in the "all" of existence.


  • lucidlove
    February 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The first one made me think of first pinochio, and then right after while reading it reminded me of a highschool student. Lovely description, didn't know if that was what you were going for or now.

    In the last one I noticed that you used "recircled" and then in the next stanza "recycled" It's good that you changed the word. The 'c's are to similair in sound. I also felt the "re" in the beginning of each hit me as "He's trying to find words that aren't the same and keeps running through all the 're's" The "reshaping" is fine btw, I find it fine because the other two have a circular sound and similarity while the reshaping just kind of stands alone. Either go all or nothing with those "re" words.

    In the second
    DON"T CHANGE THIS LINE: "silhouettes of selfhood outlined in the haze." It's beautiful and thought provoking.
    "reflection, fantasy, and regrets now half recalled." Feels awkward.
    I enjoy this line "of distances too great for the greatest mind to scan."

    My suggestions are yours for the reading. I am a editor to the maximum. You don't have to like or take any of my suggestions.

    I've enjoyed these three peices. Particularily that first one

    Thank you
    Lucidlove




  • ImmanuelC888
    February 3, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Almost hypnotic.


  • CrypticBard
    January 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Almost lulling in its beauty. Word choice and flowing lines that a regular reader of yours would grow accustomed to and learn to expect. Not quite intense as some of your other writes. The most enduring aspect on this post is that it takes the reader along the journey with such ease


  • Bizharro
    January 26, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Wow....amazing write. I really like the imagery portrayed here, and the sensual details. Good job!


  • BrokenWings...Fly
    January 24, 2008
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    wow...

    this write has left me speechless! all i can say is.. beautiful write... well done! L(


  • im only half empty
    January 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Eep! I love where you are going with this piece, but there are lots of grammatical errors which draws the eyes away.

    "Vapors swirl around and round,
    Revealing random moments through the gray.
    Shadows gaze from out the looking glass,
    Slhouettes of selfhood outlined in the haze."

    Great words. I like the structure...it has a flow of its own


  • DogFish silver member
    January 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I'm speechless...this is just grand!


  • Rose Chloris
    January 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You are a great writer. I like your vivid use of language. The first one is my favorite because I really like doll/puppet themes.


  • Teri-Lee..Abbott
    January 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Great!!

    Love what you've written

1 - 25 of 25