[Somethings last forever]
The hills suckle on our shoulders
and the weight is lighter than your breath;
dark clouds spin and dance under your eyes
[it looks like rain----]
In a city so small,
even the weeds growing between your laughs
mimick your shifting feet.
You told me never to turn back.
I never had reason to until you were gone.
I am more lost then I was before you found me.
I am more lost now that I know exactly where I am--
He was the first person I believed
when he called me beautiful
and he was the first person I believed
when he said he wasn't coming back.
The hills can't swallow up the sighs that scrapped past your teeth. Somehow miles away, I am a story you will tell her, whoever she may be. I am the mistake you had to make.
We were meant to last forever
[until forever ran out of time]
Author notes
Worst thing I've ever written. Ugh.
Inspired by the picture.
The pain. The not being able to breathe anymore.
The knowing what comes next...
A contest entry
- Exposed Bone && Thunder by EverxEnding.
300 points, ended January 28, 2008, 5 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - the weeping willow by adsaige.
350 points, ended February 17, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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If this is the wrost thing you've ever written...I'd love to read the rest of your poetry because I think this is really well done!!
-
very good job indeed! you express yourself very well! i wish you the best of luck in the contest!
NineTailedFox -
Judged
Hm...it takes a different quality from what I expected, this dirty pretty prose. I expected something like this from the title. You have good imagery, metaphors strong enough to choke, with an overtly cliche ending, and in all, it ties beautifully.
My only qualm? They way you formatted the first sentence. Takes away from it for me. -
...
The honesty in here is overwhelming. Soo reminiscent and sad. Well done Jane
-
no i am totally disagreeing it is not the worst and in fact its a great comeback.
"He was the first person I believed
when he called me beautiful
and he was the first person I believed
when he said he wasn't coming back."
that. i can fuckin relate to.
and i cant tell you how much it hurts.
♥
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