The sounds - I remember them.
A wave of sound and silence collide. In between, I may hear breathing, and hear it echoed the next day between screams and stigmatisms.
The calm was once reached so easily, but now I've learnt that it slips away, because those covers were made of silk. Silk from silkworms (the poor captured creatures, forced to live in captivity)
Between this noise, underneath the static that hides it, you can hear a small voice...
("thank you")
whispering sarcasm, genuine thanks, and a sadistic sort of thanking, all directed nowhere, and yet everywhere at once.
The world is indefinite.
This is all that's learnt.
Comments
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'(the poor captured creatures, forced to live in captivity)'
I loved that line, but it seemed a little awkward. Maybe you could rephrase it differently, if you're up to editing this.
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'The sounds - I remember them.
A wave of sound and silence collide. In between, I may hear breathing, and hear it echoed the next day between screams and stigmatisms.'
and..
'The world is indefinite.
This is all that's learnt.'
Why, yes I have gone a major attacking of your poetry, hope you don't mind
I loved the beginning and ending, and then I also loved the soft voice in this, it's like one of defeat, of being left behind, or not quite making it. It's strange but good, but not comforting, kinda eerie, but not. okie lol
It's funny, if you'd written this now, and not in january(I think) then I could say byt vas... which my boyfriend says to me all the time, he says it means like hang in there. But since you're prolly like, okies now and not in this airy sadness leaking mood.. it won't mean much but take it all the same
♥
Yes, I am aware I make little to no sense
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No, it makes sense! And byt vas! I haven't heard that since... about three weeks after I wrote this 
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My boyfriend says it alllllllll the time, and I get to the point where I'm like shup.
It's fine, by the time he gets here, I'll know as much afrikaans as I do english and french and I'll be like tri-lingual
lol I will manage that... somehow.
♥
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Dear Viva, I love the soft voice in this and also the ethereal feel of it. I envision a fog or mist even though you never say it exists.
The poem also has a very mysterious attitude that sucks the reader into it. I like it very much. Nice writing!
~ Joyce
PS. If "learnt" is a word, it is a very informal one and I think that "learned" would be much better.
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The way you write is incredibly unique. I've never seen a piece written this way and that's what usually attracts people...uniqueness. (haha i don't think thats a word) Anywho. :] great work.
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Oh, believe me, "uniqueness" is definately a work! So is "vampirified"! Who says people need to agree with it to be a functional word? Thank you for the awesome comment!
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Whoa, this completely pulled me in from the first line with "The sounds. I remember them." And I was so eager to read more, and I was not disappointed!
The lines "A wave of sound and silence collide. Inbetween, I may hear breathing, and hear it echoed the next day between screams and stigmatisms" are just amazing, seriously, I think this may be your darkest (and, coincidentally, because I'm very weird lol, my most favorite) piece.
I totally love like every line of this, although I'm so sorry if it came from a really dark place :/ I hope you feel better if you're not feeling too great...
But this is great, and I am bookmarking it.
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I honestly never know what to say when you write like this.
It blows me away each time.
You're amazing!
You have grown so much as a poet and as a person these last two years.
And it really shows.
I think I'm going to go through all your work now...
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I don't even remember writing this!
And that's going to take a while, you know...
post more?
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My Darling Sunny Chelli,
Wow!!!! What a great job you did on this one!! Holy Moly girl!!
One minor typo....
Between this noise, underneath the static thathides it, you can hear a small voice...
should be
Between this noise, underneath the static that hides it, you can hear a small voice...
Ek is lief vir jou altyd
Mom
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