Winter’s soft whisper
first snowflakes sneak into
a little girl’s ears
Takes on different shapes
accumulates in her mind
to over two feet
One lands on her tongue
sleigh rides, snowball fights, no school
up there with ice stars
A contest entry
- CHAIN OF THREE-LINED Poems of Succintness ~ Winklings Contest # 35 by Lyndon.
1150 points, ended January 30, 2008, 7 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Hello.
I support myron entirely. Could you respond to us ASAP as no one yet has written a ku chain. You have the raw material in your lines. You cannot 'see' a "New York State of Mind", can you?
"Pure white streets will turn
down avenues paved in grime
who cares, school is out! " could become
white streets turn
down avenues of grime
school is out
Notice that I have 12 syllables. That is okay. Maybe you can improve on this. And, attend to the other lines and 'ku'.
Ron.
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what is haiku?
Hi, I hope you don’t mind my comments.
Ron has asked me to try to find some ‘true’ haiku in this contest. I’m looking for haiku which show:
1) a juxtaposition between two sense images,
2) written with one break in the grammatical flow and
3) using clear, unpoetic language.
In haiku I’m looking to see and hear what the poet sees and hears around them. Most of the entries I’m reading are 17 syllable poems containing thoughts and opinions about nature, often containing statements rather than images. I’m not sure that’s enough to constitute a ‘true haiku’.
Your samples here are perhaps too poetic for haiku. They are full of wonderfully poetic lines and ideas, but is it haiku?
Best wishes on your poetic journeys.
Yours in haiku,
Myron.
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veru poignant and erudite writing
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Excellent job of using the 3 Haiku format. I love the snow, especially the first good one.
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