Outside the shade of elder sycamore
she bent to touch the seam of garden’s barren edge
with ivory fingers,
brittle from years of want.
Body low to scarlet earth,
she sifted dirt through sieves of flesh
taking its arid, musty breath
into her own
recognizing the thirst.
At wooing sound, decided chin turned up:
the humid scent of blue upon the wind
whispered promise, in gentle nuance
of beginning’s strands
that wove themselves around her frame,
line upon lasting line
in swiftly offered garment--
racing to the ground; and she
remembered hope.
Boughs broke on elder sycamore, laying down;
as watered billows brimmed with source
and burst with sheets of forceful anticipation,
covering sky with heaven’s plenteous tapestry
leaping from thundering looms,
adorning all in dripping crystal
that shone as evening’s morn
awakening soul, and sunken flowers’ buds,
'Til every rise and dip of skin
and tainted dust
gleamed brilliance
from their filling hollows,
reflecting warmed refreshing.
Reaching high,
she grasped for more, toward clouds
in certain expectation,
begging sky to spill his glistening
Til torrent’s cleansing oozed
from mudded fingertips, down
and soothing down, clothing open hands
in purest touch of snow-like wonder
Answering cry of heart and flesh.
In a list
- Searchings • next in list
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- Spiritual • next in list
- 0-Personal Favorites • next in list
A contest entry
- IT RAINED TODAY.... by Everwind Rising.
2000 points, ended January 27, 2008, 30 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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i am glad i found your page i love your poetry
your are pure talent -
Im giving up writing, after reading this.(not really)
I am amazed at the talent that pours from your pen.
Joe
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Glad that I decided to bookmark you earlier. I would have forgot to come to your page and that would have been my loss. This is great.
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this is an outstanding poem
it has life and is spiritual
it is an amazing poem
thank you for sharing this beauty
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This is so beautiful.
Congrats on the silver.
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Oh dear, lovely poem! I hope you continue with your excellent work. Thank you ever so much, and may Jesus pollinate your life!
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Cleverly written, depending how you read this depends on the outcome you will get. Well worth several reads through and I don't say that of many! A very deserving piece to be proud of! Bravo!
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Excellence is also in the eye of the beholder
Congrats on your silver Ten. As I said in my last message even if its true meaning is not gotten this is still a beautifully flowing poem. It seems to me from the replies that your underlying theme went mostly unnoticed. I am not surprised anymore when the face value of a thing is the overall expected price. Just a shame when it is expected and accepted by so many of todays 'poets'. .
A silver for face value I guess that aint too bad but a little time to look under the skin of this poem and what I saw was a story of a Christians Love for their Lord and salvations outpouring of Redemptive Rains. Metaphors to make most writers blush. A great write. Peace..
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Great job!
This was a really great read! With a whismy, dreamlike atmosphere wrapped around a vividly animated story, you've achieved greatness in imagery, mood and voice. In addition, your word choice is right-on, and it seems almost cohesive at times.
In every stanza, it feels like everything is pulsing with life, and even mundane objects are personified to be something extraordinary. I like this a lot.
Right now, I can't really think of anyway to improve upon this, other than that it might be a little too airy. The overall emotion is just a little lackluster.
You've done a fantastic job with this, and you've managed to create a beautiful piece of art.
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Wonderful, wonderful descriptions. You have some really good lines... even stanzas there. I don't know if this really had a good story, but boy... it had great descriptions. But, if descriptions make up most of your poem ~ what is really behind it?
Very good descriptions
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A well deserved tincan. To read and reread creating nice poetic feelings.
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very nice detail
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i agree with forsakenone, if this one only won silver...... wow... i loved the imagery in this piece, and it seems also full of metaphor too...
keep on writing!
mike -
Great piece, silver trophy *raises eyeybrow* heh must of been one hell of a write that beat this, I found this to be quite a lovely read...better than most I run across on here..very well done...thanx for sharing.
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This combines not only the senses but emotion and imagination into the tangibles you describe. So very full and lush, this is a piece that calls for many a re-read. Well done.
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this is incredible...
your vocabulary and the way in which you effectively utilize it in your vivid metaphors always leave me in awe of your poetic prowess...
this piece is quite beautiful, from the internal rhyme and the way the words just sound together to the kind of ethereal lyrical flow and the images and likenesses brought to mind... quite creative and powerful comparisons... there is a somewhat brooding tone and a sense of longing very clearly conveyed (at least there was to this reader)... a thoughtful and quite beautifully composed piece!
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Just beautiful! Written in wonder, expressed in grace. Stunning piece
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Love the recognition of 'alikeness' between the woman and the "scarlet earth". Beautiful description of the garment of hope. Delightful "heaven's plenteous tapestry," "leaping from thundering looms" and "snow-like wonder." A lovely read!
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Oh my!
I had another poem that was my favorite that I had planned to ask your permission to use for your week in my contest series "One poem a week" but now that I read this, in all of it's breathtaking beauty and beautiful imagery, I think that I have a new favorite...
This is excellent. You have outdone yourself creating a flawless piece of beauty!
Lynda
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Such a poem of gift in spirit through ancient teacher to guide in wilderness...such strength in belonging to universal belonging...wonderful poem indeed...
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Beautiful, I loved it hun Hugs, Bunny
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