You Wished You'd Stitched Your Heart To Mine
All Bled And Blind
Inbred, Inside
But, What If Either Of Us Died?
[ She's Shining Sick
A Glowing Glitch
I Want Her. But Which Once Is Which?
Her Wings Are Waxed With Wishes Past
She's Swollen Sunshine Singing Black ]
You Numbered Love, And Lettered Lust
All Filed And Formed
Revile, Deformed
But, Did You Write A Rule For Us?
[ She's Dressed For Death
A Lung-starved Breath
I Love Her. But What's Comming Next?
Her Eyes Are Dancing Dark In Mine
She's Beauty Blackened By Design ]
You've Let Your Dreams And Colour's Dry
All Lost And Low
Down, Decomposed
But I'll Paint Tears In Your Eyes
Just One Last Time ..
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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This is good - the content is quite banal but somehow the metre makes it addictive reading. It falters in places and the grammatical errors slow down the pace. Also - and as the writer, it is your prerogative to ignore or oblige whatever literary rules you choose - but I hate the excessive capitalisation. It brings down the tone of the piece and associates it with the kind of pseudo-intellectual crap that anyone could write. And this isn't crap, it's actually a competent little piece I could see being read aloud or set to music. Well done.
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Wow. I absolutely adore a good majority of the phrases in here, namely "You Numbered Love, And Lettered Lust", and "But I'll Paint Tears In Your Eyes". There are typos, admittedly, but I always think imperfections make art more alive, human. At any rate, the whole piece far outweighs such trivialities.
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i will admit it freely, i did not get this at all, however that said, i have never read a poem like this, something about how you wrote it makes it soooo enjoyable to read, not sure if its the words you used or the flow within it or the way the meaning evades me, just something about this that is amazing to read.
Michael
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thank you for your comment
i think i should write the meaning of my poetry in the authors comments xD
i can explain part of it to you
You Wished You'd Stitched Your Heart To Mine
All Bled And Blind
Inbred, Inside
But, What If Either Of Us Died?
^ ^ ^ this is the idea of commitment, and how someone can become lost within another person, so lost that their hearts are literally intertwined or stitched .. what if that person left them? they would be devestated because of how deeply they love them.
i admit i have an abstract formant
xx
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whoa.
I'm completely amazed by your work, and hardly ever have enough courage to comment. i love your style, and you're writing is something to be idolized.
how can you not love you?
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WOW
this is fantastic=O
You are so Poe(Edgar not the big gay red one...)
It is a bit staggered at parts, but is smooth most of the wat through
I clearly haven't been on here a while because you have become so drastiically like amazingXD
Suggestion: the last line
instead of having it connected to the rest of the poem, break it away... get me? like a gap because i think it will enhance the effect of thiws fantastic piece=]
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"She's Swollen Sunshine Singing"
-Nice alliteration :]
The rhyming is good; it's not forced.
Very well written ♥
~Princess of Shadows~
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