There was a time
When
My smile
Had no pretense
It's past tense
Such happiness
There was a time
When
I could walk
Head held high
Everything
Right
Not trouble in
Sight
Then
That time
Ended
Like a sledge hammer
Hitting an egg
One, two, three
My dad's dead
What happened man?
This isn't okay
But what am
I
Supposed to say
Five years later
Over my sisters'
Grave
There was a time
When
Pain was a theory
Now it's reality
To go with
The liability of
Living an existence that
Hurts
When joy comes in spurts
And an outburst
Is just waiting
It's rehearsed
Every verse
Of cut, dry, bleed, die
Don't lie
Like it's
Alright
There was a time
When
I never thought
I'd want to
Go back
So bad
I have
To move
Forward
This time
A contest entry
- THE BEST YOU CAN DO! please enter... :) by LilMrsAttitude.
1600 points, ended March 30, 2008, 66 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pain/Hurt/Life scars. Release your pain to me by LanguishedLad.
450 points, ended April 24, 2008, 55 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
-
1st, let me start off by saying I almost didn't see the missing option #, but although it's not in the author's notes & instead in the comments, I will still give you credit for this.
This poem reminds me of a lyric for a rap song, the way it flows & the meter. Very different flow than what I'm used to reading here. Also, the topic is obviously very close to you. I'm hoping that it isn't based on true events.
As for the grammar & spelling: I only found a couple areas that I think could use a little "tweaking."
1. Not trouble in-----> No trouble in
2. So bad-----> Too bad
These of course are just suggestions.
~*DJ*~
Thanks for entering my contest & good luck.
-
Is this the notes section? If it is #7.
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