It was like falling,
Falling down the termination of time,
Rain drizzling in a void night,
Lips speaking for themselves,
As they traced my naked skin.
*Psychiatrist looks on expectadly*
Tears patterns on my crimson cheeks,
The cold bricks like an ice block,
Pressed against my bare shoulders,
As their fingers played with the buttons on my jeans.
{"Stupid bitch thinks she can help."}
"They were rough,
Their hands forced on my throat,
Smothering my terrified screams."
("Did you see their faces?")
It was dark and empty,
Like their promises,
Their coarse voices cackling "This won't hurt,"
Masked faces only open,
To shove their tongues down my throat.
("How do you feel?")
"I'm scared of men," I mutter brushing across the bruises,
Lips cracking as I'm drained of life,
I'm scarred insane,
"See I removed my veins,
Pointless bastards."
{Lifts wrists revealing severed flesh}
("My lord,")
{Psychiatrist looks me over}
Sunken pasty skin,
Violent tortured eyes,
Revenge sparkling my tone,
I'm broken, I whisper,
A snide smile on parched lips.
(Broken?)
Snapped in half,
I cackle,
Revealing the stitching.
Author notes
moment of clarity
A contest entry
- NO RULES ONLY THE SICKEST 1449 points!!!NOW enter your freakin prewrites by RyanosaurusWrecks.
1449 points, ended January 14, 2008, 12 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - everything and anything by x Bright Eyes x.
525 points, ended February 4, 2008, 84 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Something real by hey charlie.
300 points, ended January 31, 2008, 35 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Abused??? Let it known! Scream it out, tell the world about it. by starving-to-survive.
1700 points, ended February 3, 99 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Angry?!! Show me just how angry you are... by starving-to-survive.
1250 points, ended January 25, 89 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - For my favorites only. by Nostalgic Moon.
700 points, ended February 9, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 55 of 55
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scary, almost numbing... there is a sense of detachment here with the actions of the psychiatrist intruding that I would expect to see in a survivor's story. I'm sorry this happened to your friend.
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This is amazing I'm so sorry this happened I know how you feel. Something like this happened to me
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oh wow...
It was dark and empty,
Like their promises,
Their coarse voices cackling "This won't hurt,"
Masked faces only open,
To shove their tongues down my throat.
sooo sad
I'm really glad you entered this one, I'm glad I read it cause it was so deep.
Thanks! Love ya
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oh wow. this is very intense to read.
its raw and just like BAM when you read it.
this is definitely a write to be proud of.
i love it. bookmarking.**
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Wow! what can i say. Gese i can relate to this so well.
Your words hit me so hard. I can feel every ounce of your pain here.
I understand how you feel so well.
THis is an incredible write. Thank you so much for entering it into my contest i am honoured to have read such a powerful and genius piece. Great job.
If you ever need to talk i am here for you.
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wow this is such a powerful and emotional write. You have a great talent for writing and setting yourself into this frame of mind. I love the style that you used to write it, I can imagine it being read out to me, or as a song. awesome, sad write.
keep it up, you deserved all those trophies.
All the best
HollowEyes -
i loved it but it mad me alert........ but i loved it
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this made me cry ... i love how open you let yourself be in this poem ... i can recall the endless therapists and psychiatrists tryin to pick my brain and people tryin to solve my problems when i was tryin to cope with molestation and abuse i still suffer with severe depression and i have bi polar disorder so i spent some time in a ward tryin to get help for that as well. i hate to see that so many of us suffer because of others.
i just hope that somehow someday despite our scars and wounds visible and not visible we can all band together so we can be strong together -hugs-
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wow. for not experenicing it you hit the nail on the head... great write.. keep up the awesome writting and its nice to met you...
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oh wow. i woulda liked it more if it was true
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wow this really hit me hard its exactly how i felt when something similar happened to me. thx for such a wonderful and yet sad write.
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Oh god. Every time I read this Im speechless. Amazing.
Probably my favourite one of yours. Keep it up.
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wow deep
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Deep...man...so deep...so so deep. Tight
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this is a a deep piece, extremely.
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you've out done yourself this time. A great poem, and it brings attention to things society seems to sweep under the mat. I really enjoyed the inclusion of the psychiatrist, it was a nice touch.
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very good
This is a bad problem. I wish it didn't happen, but those wishes fall very short. This is full of emotion and sadness. Great job on writing it! The Shaker
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Wow...I love this! so intense and full of imagery...I could see it happening and can somewhat relate. Thank you so much for entering this. So intense. great job.
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Powerful
A really Powerful statement and great rhythem--Excellent flow
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Good work. This is really interestingly done, well written except the spelling gaff, expectantly, but it draws the reader closer with its hurt and its distance the protagonist puts between the psychiatrist. It’s a very good, emotive piece.
David
ps do you think it has been entered into enough comps?
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I think you used some interesting imagery, and you're absolutely right, this is an important topic that needs to be addressed and understood. Thanks for entering
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one word to describe this: WOW! thats all I can say
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I really like how this cuts back and forth between the internal experience of this woman and the people who are looking outside in. This was chilling and expressed so much within the multiple perspectives. Thank you for trying to raise awareness for your fellow sisters who have been hurt.
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AMAZING
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Rain drizzling in a void night,
Lips speaking for themselves,
As they traced my naked skin.
(Broken?)
Snapped in half,
I cackle,
Revealing the stitching.
--------
SHOCKING.
I love the above lines.
They just WOW me.
I am swallow into oblivion
as I read and tackle this write.
I love how you insert
actions and inner feelings
when you wrote this...
WOW
Thanks for entering. Good luck.
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very good job I really liked it..the sad thing is that I actually know more than a few girls that have went through this and It is what they all have done to make things better....ALthough I don't understand it...anyways good luck in the contest
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This is such an emotional write, filled with a horror I can only dream (nightmare) of...
Really well written...
Thanks for entering and good luck. -
Man that sad, really good but sad. Speaking on the behalf of all men even those bastards Im sorry you had to go through that.
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Wow. Like your previous reader, I'm speachless. This was so well done and put together and passionate and sad. I am so sorry. Even if this isn't you that went through this I'm sorry. Sorry, you even have to know enough to write this down.
I don't know what else to say, but I'm sorry and I don't even have the power to do anything about it.
My prayers to you.
John
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Wow. I'm speechless...What a horrible, nightmarish, incredibly well-expressed write. I can only hope it isn't autobiographical! Really though, this is well done, and I love the way you cut between what the psychiatrist was asking and the woman's reliving of the experience. This was very well written and horrific and really made me feel. Good write.
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wow what a deep emotional write i to can relate to your pain
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This was a very sad and emotional write.
Thank you for your entry and good luck in the contest. -
Good write, I love the way you've made this flow. It brings back a lot of sucky memories for me, but only because your poem is so vivid and real. Thanks for entering and great job.
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Dark, a slight touch of insanity and vivid details. This is filled with emotion and a decent poem to say the least. Thank you for enetering this into my contest.
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1st your Author's notes: Death doesn't Save you EVER! Rape is a HORRIABLE pyschiatrist well tell you it had nothing to do with you personally~ or its not a personal experiance.... but I really feel the feelings you go through because of being raped are very true... they are painful... but eventually you can get through.... Awareness ~ is the key to making a difference... speaking out to make change.... If you poem can affect change... ~ it can affect folks to speak out ~ and most of all ~ it DOES make people understand the feelings of going through a horrific event. ~ You did an excellent job~
Thank you so much for entering the "Set the bar" contest ~ good luck to you!!! -
Terribly sorry you ended up having to go through this shit, some people just don't seem to understand others and their feelings and are out for themselves and their own pleasure. Wonderfully written though with passion. I don't blame you for feeling the way you do, I have been sexually assaulted and I sure as hell don't know who to feel or what to think it's really hard to deal with sometimes.
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There is a lot of great thought woven within sanity, stitching without. Thank you for your entry & Best wishes in the contest!
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I don't know you , but I'm just going to say:
I love you. Sounds ridiculous- but I have the utmost respect for you. There are parts here I can relate to, and my heart goes out to you. Uniquely and beautifuly written, perfectly penned, rhythmic and raw-- Great job following the rules and thank you so much for sharing.
Best wishes!
~Cordelia
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This was fantastic. I love your phrases. 'Rain falling in a void night'. Its deep and meaningfull. It expresses such emotion, made me feel as if i was in her shoes. fantastic
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Your writing is amazing ... I really liked the way that you described your thoughts and feelings and the questions that others ask you ... well it all fell into place and was horribley scarey for me to read. I admire your writting though I have no idea if this happend to you or not ... either way it was expressed very well. I hope it wasn't true for you and if it was I'm sorry for your pain and I do understand. Lill
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this poem is almost like you wrote it as you were in the hosptal, its almost real. Its really good though. I like how you had the little interjections of the doctor and everyone in it. Good write.
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a cleverly done write. very realistic... enough to pull the reader in and have them shudder...
thank you for entering and best of luck
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One of the best thought out poems Ive read. I like how you put true feelings in it. i realy like how it takes place with the main person talking to a psychiatrist. Its just a realy clever way of writeing. N Im sorry if there is truth in this poem.
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I don't even know what to say after reading this it is so sad. Hard to critique a piece like this and really I wouldn't even try. I must say that I love the way it is written as far as your inserts in parenthesis and how you feelings were so clearly presented. I really don't know what else to say except if this happened to you, I'm sorry. It's a sad sick world we live in and if it was up to me, well people like this just wouldn't be around anymore or they's all be put in the same place together to indulge in their sickness until they all did each other in. Non Christian like thoughts there? Yes but that's just how I feel. Best of luck in the contest. Be well and be blessed
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Powerful write that screams off the screen.
.♥.
Thank you for your entry
Best of luck
Stay safe
~Manda
[Erase the Hate Member] -
wow i loved this write and the way it flowed also loved how you kept the reader all the way through this is a very emotional write and so many people can relate to this well done
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oh and heres your applause
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excellent job, this one i felt the whole way through...loved it
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So very sad indeed
One who has been so taken by the heartless within our world cowards to all men that they abuse are truly sick ******** no other bane would fit . This write speaks to all as looking through the eyes of the victom
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Great write
riviting write, very emotional keep up the great work and good luck in the contest!
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this one, one of your best... I love it
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omg, this is excellent, i love the form, and although the title may be too strong and deter readers. I thought it was exceelent
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fantastic
the feeling is so strong in this write... you have a great talent for writing and words... thank you for sharing this tortured yet beautiful write... keep writing you have talent!!
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This is in a good way...
The emotion you put in this fucker made me feel like i was having a panic atack....
Great damn job.....
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Wow.
This hits right home.
It can make someone feel the feelings you are.
And trust me I am.
And things along the line of that have happened to me.
Great piece.
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