Holding hands and walking in a park
Sounds of laughter, spring fever
A hint of lightning, musical thunder
Gentle drops touch skin
Eyes lock, summer rain
kisses follow
A sweet nervous laugh, a shy glance
She always wanted to do that
Light feet tread in water
Sobs follow and tears gush
Salt mixes in muddy puddles
Threatening electric bolts
thunder outbursts
A storm of emotions
As grey clouds cover cold night skies
Soaking pretty delicate features
A heart broke on a stormy winters evening
She never wanted that to happen
Not today, not ever.
A contest entry
- IT RAINED TODAY.... by Everwind Rising.
2000 points, ended January 27, 2008, 30 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
you know what to do now ...
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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by the way... I
rain and storms!
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hello Madhu, wonderfully personified! I see you haven't written in a little while, hope theres no writer's block! I'll stop by from time to time to see how your doin'. Take it easy,
~pithyAplomb.
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Good Write
Very well chosen figurative phrasology short staccato
but effective lines romantic and pleasing despite
the sad ending.I enjoyed reading it.Nice Poem. George
(JUDMC) U.K. P.S. If you enjoy Happy endings try my
"Blue Eyes" "Little Girl" or maybe even " Peters Girl"
Thanks for sharing your poem with me.Good Luck!
Keep Writing. -
I liked this piece. The short choppy lines lend a type of cadence to the piece that reminds me of approaching thunder and rhythmic rain. Also liked the story telling aspect to this. There was enough story to be intriguing and drawing yet not to much to be boring or overshadowing of the atmospheric elements of the poem
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oh wow!
i didn't expect to get anything with so many entries!thank you so much for the trophy and the comment! much appreciated
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oh wow! i didn't expect to get anything with so many entries!thank you so much for the trophy and the comment! much appreciated
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I liked the contrasts between stanzas, and the well placed bridge. Very nice poem, A good exercise in relating the seasons to human emotions.
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thank u!
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This is very good! I loved your descriptions and figurative language and the transformation of emotions. The turn of events seems like the change of unexpected weather. I liked the way you made it simple. Meaning you didn't explain everything that happened, but it was enough to get the idea across. Like is was romantically rainy, but then all of a sudden it became the storm it really is. I guess when you're in love, bad weather doesn't matter. But a heartbreak makes everything seems worse than it is. That's the idea I get from your poem.
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why thaks for your comment star!!!!! im off to read ur poems now! im glad ive improved in your eyes
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very nice
this sounds so nice walking in the rain, if i could hanlde walking in the rain.i like walking along the beach.somehow the aspect of being near water and walking in the rain almost has the same feeling. calmness and contentment.relaxing and nice.
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