Pre-dawn I wake, and your breathing finds me,
places me in this bed, this room, this
sudden not-quite-morning. You won't mind me
folding into your side, so I fold; kiss
the tangled mat of hair on your bent arm;
smell the yeasty smell which makes your skin taste
of wheat. Once, in Wales, we went to a farm
where a similar smell rose from the waste
of horses - a homely smell, redolent
of good earth, heat, sweat, physical labour.
I tucked myself into you, nonchalant.
Breathed you in as I do now, bed-neighbour
on this dark dawn, as the clock enforces
order and you dream - perhaps of horses.
Author notes
Sonnet. I don't write a lot of form poetry...
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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Beautiful write. It is very good for a sonnet, I think that sonnets limit your ability to get across what you really want to say. But, this one was amazing.
I must say the title was a bit misleading. But, that doesn't really matter
Great job ~~
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Great Write
It is absolutely amazing how one associates something so simple as the memory of a smell to those closest to us and hold it in our hearts f.orever. Good write and Godspeed
. Rewarded 4
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Beautiful.
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well honestly when I saw the title I was thinking about Neptune
and also Persephone.
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"on this dark dawn, as the clock enforces
order and you dream - perhaps of horses."
Liked the ending especially.
I love horses too!
May we dream of horses,
Creatress -
Are you sure that this poem should be titled Horses? I'm sorry but I thought it was a poem of horses and not people?
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Didn't recognize it as a sonnet until you said so. That's the mark of a good contemporary one. I love horses, and bed-partners of course. But I'm not sure I like the two of them together as a metaphor. Not quite the metaphor that turns me on, the way a love sonnet should. Still, unique and original, expertly done in this form. well done.
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bravo
Oh, this is an excellent sonnet! Yes, indeed, quite excellent, wonderful and very deftly done! Loved it!! bravo... bravo... bravo.. -
Very good!
This is quite good, and i love the way you compare the similarities between animals and humans - in terms of smell - then show that despite the maloderous nature of animals we all wish to return to being like them. Bravo! - ocerus -
Ha ha...Stephanie, I expected someone to pick up on that sooner but no-one mentioned it!
Hopefully you got that it was the earthy, clean smell of dried waste and hay and grass and things...not the crappy smell of...shall we say 'fresher' waste...?
Thanks for your comments - as always! X -
at first, i was a bit taken aback. comparing a bed-neighbor's smell to that of horse waste?! but i read on and found that this is a gem. just brilliant. love the tucking and folding, the format and sound. beautiful.
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Beautiful
This is a very lovely poem. I loved it! BEAUTIFUL WRITE!
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a+
i like th images and expressions could almost feel the hay in my hair
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Wow, I really liked this work, so personal, so real, with metaphors that one can actually relate to; and an intimacy so lacking in today's world.
. Rewarded 4
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I LOVED IT
IT IS A GOOD POEM AND I LOVED IT. -
this is absolutely wonderful- so completely rich in imagery - i love the yeasty smell/ such an accurate description
and the bed mate that you always know you can curl into- and their smell and your own don't matter in the middle of the night in a cozy world of bed
i love how you broke into the placement of wales- this is just incredible writing
m
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good job
i liked it alot and kinda felt like i could almost live that
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stunning
This is beautiful, form, rhyme and rhythm true, but the feeling - this is magic, so intimate and real, that I am embarassed to be an observer of your dawn moments. Very well done.
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