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The Seeds of Doubt.

As spilt milk,
they trip and fall from
lips of deceit.
Plausible perhaps,
inevitable never the less.
Hidden agendas in the mind's eye
first and foremost.
Honesty, a thing of the past,
is rare in today's world,
not always getting what one sees,
becoming reality.
Glib, as treacle oozing between
tight lips, with fingers crossed,
uttered with reverence,
comes the falsehoods.
Dare to denounce and all
hell proceeds...
Did I miss a day when it
was said that lies are acceptable?
or was I so naive as to believe
in honest communication?.
Too late the seed of doubt
crosses the subconscious,
once more tricked by the germ
of devience.

Author notes

POW
Subject; Liars and Cheats.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • trista gold member
    January 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You bring across such a good point in this write...that somewhere along the line, lying seems to have become an okay thing to do. My parents drilled honesty into each of their kids, and it’s something I’ve always carried a great respect for since.

    Bear covered most of the issues I have with the poem. I’ll only add:
    “Hidden agenda's in the minds eye” Your apostrophes are backwards. Try “Hidden agendas in the mind’s eye” instead?

    I loved the similes and imagery in the beginning and middle parts of the poem. I kinda wish you had gotten maybe one more strong image in at the end, as it started to seem like you were doing more “telling” than “showing”, but that’s more of a personal preference I think and not something that will affect your score. The “seed of doubt” while I know it ties to the title, just wasn’t as vivid as your other metaphors IMO, and you always want to end your poem on the strongest and most memorable note possible.

    All in all, a very nice job with this. I think there’s room for some touching up, but even as is, it has all the elements of power, impact, and imagery that I look for.

    Good luck and best wishes,
    ~J.


    • cutiepie gold member
      January 15, 2008

      Edit | Reply
      Many thanks Trista, as always, you have the knack of pinpointing the frailties in a poem...one often misses the most obvious mistakes as I have in this one. Thank you for pointing out errors which have now been corrected


  • Arkbear gold member
    January 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Hi cutie! :)

    Nevertheless*..??

     

    Did I miss that day when it was said that lies are....*....watch out for the word...*that*~

     

    *or was I....(cap Or )

     

    Communication?.   Which punctuation are you using....hehe.....edit after the contest my silly Friend ~

     

    Too late...(comma)...the seed of doubt..>

     

    OK....I LOVED this entry!

     

    Lots of Imagery....lots of Focus....plenty of thought ~

     

    Your metaphores in the beginning are quite effective!

     

    BRB...let me go get my lunch from the microwave... :)

     

    OK...back!

     

    Alrighty then....if you can remember back a few PO' contests, you will see that this Theme has been played out.....but....is it fresh?....Yes!

     

    I appreciate a Poet who can take old Themes and place new ideas and twists on them to make me enjoy something I have read many times in the past ~

     

    You always bring us something worthy of scoring....and once again, you have penned your way to winning this thing....unless another masterpiece is hiding around the corner :)

     

    Well done my Friend, and the best to you and your entry,

     

    Bear ~

     

    Title   10

    Flow   9.85

    Depth   9.95

    Theme   9.8

    Feelings   9.85

    Grammar   10

    Presentation 9.7...remember to break lines a bit to keep it in Poetic verse ~:)

    Uncommonness  9.15

    Sit & Ponder Affect  9.75

    Ability to follow Rules  10

    Bears Score: 98.05

    Very nice job!

    :)


  • Floorboards
    January 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Very well written, my pet hates too, seems to come easy to a lot of people.
    good job, well done and good luck in the contest,
    Floorboards.

    • cutiepie gold member
      January 13, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Sad state...Thank you for your kindness as always


  • islekine gold member
    January 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Excellent......in form and sentiment...

    Best wishes in the contest...although...so far, by far the best I've read yet!
    Write on!
    *PEACE*


  • aboomer silver member
    January 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Great wording and truth! Can't pick a favorite line as I like all of this.
    Best wishes in the contest.

  • Bob Fox
    January 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Bravo

    A poet after my own heart. Sad words of truth in our land of fairy tales. A great honest piece of poetry that others should take a peek at

    • cutiepie gold member
      January 12, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you Bob for your support...as always very much appreciated

1 - 12 of 12