tonight
sky is liquid:
from the gap between two
hills, i drink cloudy purples of
vintage
Author notes
will tweak this - ten thousand times
A contest entry
- chanson: songs of love and wine by Nicolette.
900 points, ended January 20, 2008, 16 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Ultimate Goal by N e a r.
20000 points, ended June 2, 2008, 946 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please give some honest and constructive criticism -
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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ah a heady thought - fermenting in the hills of imagination - let the wine flow free, bring on the entertainment, and rain does a dance in the air - a good poem
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Just 13 huh, then you definitely have an old soul I guess. Drink in the scene...I remember in my sleepy days, lying in the grass, watching the skyline...the clouds, jets, birds, anything to pin a dream to...
And it's the greatest vintage of wine there is...if distilled correctly...but that's another story for another time.
MariGoes sent me to read because she said you were a teen prodigy and she knows I like good writing...those who can't, read.
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this poem shimmers Namita...and so do you girl...I agree with Nicolette...your're a natural with talent to envy...
congrates to you
Mal
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Superb
You say you are 13, but you write with the insight of 113. Beautifully done and congratulations on your bronze
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snug as appreciative sit
placed for placing us
bronze had me zoom, but not assuming had me stay. this is put in the room of me for congratulations.
it flowed with a mellow exhileration with cyclic fill up of life. savoring timing by strength of what issues that, is seen. a freedom to receive.
the last line splicing the title has it not spill but become seconds when reading for resonating difference, of noun and the old adjective added again in poem. for what can be treasured with natural reasoning for heart of man to rejoice by, with some special moments.
carries on many,
also called
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a lovely cinquain
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I can only echo my co-judge's analysis of this cinquain. It is beautiful and the natural and spiritual qualities of this poem is breathtaking. I so loved where you took the contest theme - excellent visuals and so very imaginative. But of course, you are a natural poet, Namita. This is really beautiful.
Thank you for this great entry.
~ Nicolette
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Oh my dear Namita this is indeed an awesome piece. You really have a wonderful talent. Keep the words pouring to enrich our senses
Thanks for sharing and keep writing.
HENSLEY a.k.a VIRGOAN
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For some reason I felt the word vinyl sprouting from
this poem...though it isn't written anywhere...wierd.
Anyway I this was great, I enjoy reading your work.
peace to all ~flight
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This is a very nice picture dear friend. This poem has a colors and a taste of young wine. One could read it as is, but much better is to understand like a great and perfect used metaphor.
~Sonja~
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The poetess paints a moment in time with artistry. So few words and yet this is fulsome, complete and resonates after it's read. Excellent. Pure poetry.
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beautiful..
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These are beautiful words. This piece of poetry is just beautiufl and can be interpreted in many ways. I love the connection between the title and the poem itself... You're great at naming your poetry.
Great work and good luck in the contest!
Always,
Cassie
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This beautiful and interesting poetry caught me completely off guard. You have sky, hills, even a place between the hills, a gap (the way wine may often sit between crystalline sides of a glass, where you stand with a vessel collecting the whole sky and hills and air into the essence of things ... then you drink it, cloudy purple ... vintage wine. This is not only beautiful and unusual, it took my breath away. This is a chanson to the whole creation, in many ways, yet it is quiet and understated. Most excellent.
Thank you for entering this beautiful chanson in the contest. ... Moqui
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haha, the funniest thing happened. i was reading someone's poem, and i thought it was you. and i commented like an idiot. so dumb.
anyhow, beautiful, my love.
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