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Perpetual Void


Extending deep into the bleakest abyss,
perpetual voids indulge and reminisce.
Worn in obscure darkness like a cloak,
en-wrapped so tight it makes you choke.

A blemished world, frozen in time,
under inky clouds of unique design.
Fireballs mailed, now low in the sky,
embittered, unrewarded venom does cry.

Vast landscapes crumbled into dust,
radioactive moon looks down in disgust.
Riverbeds drained and bloodstained red,
compressed underfoot are bones of the dead.

Infinite swirling mists of coarse acrid air,
all life has gone, it's now barren and bare.
Guilt, emptiness and self-annihilation,
born from lost victory and determination.

A steady stream of acid rain now falls,
as the end of the world sweetly calls.
All that remains, a saturated side~effect,
launching now visions of willful neglect.

 

Author notes

Just my view on the end of the world

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 19 of 19
  • Ace - LightWithinMe
    June 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hello LadyDementia. I have to say I didn't notice this, or I would have checked it out sooner, I did wonder how you came across my piece, sheesh, I must have been asleep at the time, ahhaha.

    Anyway, very intense graphic poem, great lines, and some good rhymes, flowed well, and I have to say your end time is really End Time, hahaha.

    My regards.


  • Walking shadow
    June 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Very intense

    You get down to business in this piece. I love the background and the power of this one really has a monster kick to it. The picture you paint has my heart racing. An easy but rewarding read. Good luck.

    Walking shadow


  • abyssalchainsaw
    May 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Very powerful and really painted a picture for me.
    Couldnt agree more on who'll be guilty for humanities end..


  • TrixieOne
    March 6, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is wonderful, great imagery. Powerful.

    "compressed underfoot are bones of the dead", "Guilt, emptiness and self-annihilation, born from lost victory and determination", and "All that remains, a saturated side~effect, launching now a vision of willful neglect" are great lines.
    Thanks for the entry. Best of luck in the contest


  • individuality gold member
    March 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    it's a craxy existence, perhaps yet we will find the end of life, as worf would say lol it is a good day to die, a good poem


  • Tarja
    January 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Congrats on both bronze trophies. I really liked the creative rhyming in this... You definitley put your idea of the end of the world into great poetry. Thank you for entering and good luck.


  • wakingdevil
    January 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This was a beautiful write, filled with imagery.Rhyming at a few places cd hv been a bit better, but overall very good.Thanks for entering


  • PonyPride
    January 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Wow

    This was a beautiful well thought out peice that I thoroughly enjoyed. Ever word fit perfectly and the emotion and imagery was very intense. Excellent job and thank you for being a finalist.


  • PastelMoons gold member
    January 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Congrats!! and so well deserved
    this is an amazing write.
    You should be very proud of yourself.
    I am!!
    ~Pastel


  • trista gold member
    January 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hi Pink

    Wow, what a bleak and scary picture you’ve painted with your words...but sadly true unless we wake up and stop believing we’re invincible.

    To be honest, I’ve gotten really...jaded?...on writes of this theme lately. I’ve read soooo many of them and believe it’s a worthy subject to write about, but dislike being “preached” to while I wonder what the author of the poem is personally doing. What I found refreshing about your poem is that it shows without ever telling the reader what to do about it. There’s a reason for the phrase “a picture speaks a thousand words” and what you’ve done is painted the picture...then let the reader take it from there. Very nicely done!

    There are a few punctuations I personally might have added ~ or subtracted, but nothing major other than getting that final period in at the end. Oh, and I don’t believe “enwrapped” needs the dash. Also, stanza 4, L2 “its” should be “it’s” (short for “it is”

    I thought both the rhyming and flow were good. I’d still like to see the meter evened out a tad bit, but all in all not bad.

    Thanks so much for your entry; it’s always a joy having you in the PO contests, and I too think this is one of the best I’ve seen from your pen.

    Good luck and best wishes,
    ~J.


  • Arkbear gold member
    January 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Hello there Pink!

    What a wonderful entry!

     

    *barren and bare*...??

     

    Period at the end of your entry :)

     

    No editing now that a Judge has touched your work :)

     

    The best read.....so far.....and I believe you have captured all of the areas I look at when Judging.....Impact...Focus....Imagery...etc..... ~

     

    There is not a whole heck of a lot to critique about this entry Pink....you have penned the best write I have seen from your Quill.....and I think you have just placed yourself in trophy standings.....but never take my word for it....listen to my scoreborad....it never lies  :)

     

    This Theme is almost becoming *common*.....but you have taken it and made it Yours, with a full scope of your Theme sitting right on top for all to see and listen to.....I wish you the best with your talents and entry,

     

    Bear ~

     

    Title   10

    Flow   9.85

    Depth   10

    Theme   9.95

    Feelings   10

    Grammar   10

    Presentation 10

    Uncommonness  9.1

    Sit & Ponder Affect  9.95

    Ability to follow Rules  10

    Bears Score: 98.85

    Very nice score !!

    :)


  • flyingphoenix
    January 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A nice flow and rhythm to this poem, with some great rhymes!

    I thought the subject was hard-hitting, because it could become so true. A great read, I was going to quote my favourite lines, but I couldnn't chose, I nearly ended up quoting your whole poem back!!

    Sunny


  • pappacass
    January 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    scares me to death

    i hope i'm dead and gone first....nice read..thank you


  • new light
    January 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    beautiful.

    i love this.

    especially these lines:

    "A blemished world, frozen in time,
    under inky clouds of unique design."


    KEEP IT UP


  • Floorboards
    January 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Excellent work, beautifully written with much truth and relatability, impressive.
    Good luck in the contest,
    Floorboards.


  • islekine gold member
    January 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Well well penned!

    I sooo agree with your sentiments...I write about this a lot! But not as well as you did here! Best wishes in the contest!
    Write on and on....
    *PEACE*


  • cutiepie gold member
    January 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Incredible...Excellent entry, good luck in the contest and bravo


  • aboomer silver member
    January 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Great images and wording! And so true - if mankind does not 'wake up'.....someday we won't wake up. Sad, but true.
    Good luck in the contest.


  • CherryOnTop
    January 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You are right "Our Lady Of Dark".We will destroy the world. Superbly penned and the imagery is astounding..Good luck in the contest..

1 - 19 of 19