Love Me More Later

I love him so
yet he must go
away to his job
in a far-away place
where I can't hold him
where I can't hug him
and only once in a while
hear his sweet voice.
He must go
he needs the money
this I understand
but I need my baby
so very badly.
We get along so well
have many of the same interests
and I still can't have him.
What does this tell me about true love?
That it exists, but it's not tangible for me?
That I'm not good enough to be happy,
to be loved by the man that I honestly
deeply, truly believe is the one
for me?
I can't go with him
college holds me back.

Some nights I sleep
and dream of just being next to him
other nights I stay awake
and cry because I miss him
I can see what I'm going to lose
when he's gone,
it's too much to carry in my heart
sometimes it doesn't beat
sometimes I can't breathe
and I know this is just wrong
simply wrong for me.

I love him so much
that I do not contradict
his decision to go
because it seems its what's best for him
even though I'll miss him so.
I'm looking out for him
and not myself
while my heart breaks
and shatters on the floor.
I believe love is only true
when you know if that person
will be happy somewhere else
for you to let them go
because only then will you
have selflessly loved.

Then sometimes I feel
like he's being selfish
leaving me here and all
and I wonder if I'd do the same...
if I HAD to leave the person I loved....
I could never leave him
I love him too much,
I haven't told him this
he'll never know
maybe he should
I guess I have to let go
God, oh God, I'll cry for him
I'll miss him so
but if it's meant to be
maybe he'll love me more
later.