You had before you a bride of blue sky
Blossoming cherry torch to her bright side
In fingers of bark, so rigidly clutched
A morning too pure to be painted or touched
Easterly spread with her limbs leaning to
The warmer horizon, all haloed with dew
Pitted against dawn’s naked translucence
Blazing like eyelids in sun’s heavy nuisance
Now, morning melts; you're a trembling awning
Trickling under her mouth’s frigid yawning
Winter has stolen her, veiled her in gray
Bedded her; sullen, with nothing to say
No spirits to rise, no roots to forge deep
While she lies - your white willowed bride - in a heap
But, soon the sun beam to your cheek will be married
Soon, the cold dream of her bleakness is buried
A contest entry
- DAWN--Happy New Year! by micol.
525 points, ended January 13, 2008, 6 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - TEN THOUSAND POINTS OF RHYME (Now 20,000+) Part 8 Sad/Nostalgia by cricketjeff.
1500 points, ended January 24, 2008, 51 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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A beautiful poem and a lovely entry in our contest, but both Jeff and I feel this would have done better in our Nature contest. Thank you for entering.
Please join us in our future contests...
Sue and Jeff
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I enjoyed the way you wove the colors into your poem. It seemed a solid counterpart to the emblem and a welcome entry to the contest. Thank you so mich for taking the time to enter.
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Oh, just one small thing, the font colour is a teensy bit hard to read with the background...maybe if it were a little darker...just a thought!
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You are too good to me. And I'm running out of interesting ways to say thank you because I say it to you so very often! This was a great comment to receive, thanks to the moon.
Oh, and the font color is changed. I appreciate the suggestion. I think the contrast is a little stronger on my monitor so I didn't notice it might be hard to read. -
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Oh and yeah it's easier to see now!
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You thank me in the best way possible, by returning all my comments so fully and wonderfully, I appreciate it lots x
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*Acckkkk. Falls off chair*
You really have gone and truly killed me this time. This is ammmmmmmmmmmazzzinngggg, one of the most beautiful descriptions of nature I have ever read. There is not a dud line in here, they are all so perfectly penned.
Let's start at the beginning:
a bride of blue sky
Blossoming cherry torch
Wowza, the contrast of colours, the metaphor...just...how do you do it?!
fingers of bark
Sounds like my forest lady hehehe
A morning too pure to be painted or touched
That is just perfect. And I agree...whenever I try and take photos of sunsets they never capture that essence of spectacle and amazement quite as the real thing does, which is a shame...
Easterly spread with her limbs leaning to
The warmer horizon, all haloed with dew
Easterly spread! Magical, leaning to a warm horizon...and "haloed" - what a word!
Blazing like eyelids
Very pretty ^^
morning melts
You've summed up so much in two alliterative words, amazing
Winter has stolen her, veiled her in gray
Bedded her; sullen, with nothing to say
What a lovely description of theiving winter!
I really don't know what to say that I haven't already said in this comment...I just love this poem so much!!!
And to top it all off you have the perfect ending. Man I am very impressed, I really really really hope you do well in the contest because you certainly deserve a trophy for this. Well a lot more than just one
Take care! xox
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I think I probably was inspired by your forest lady on this! It didn't occur to me until you mentioned it but I don't usually use personification. So more thanks to you!
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Hood-Winked!
I'm sorry I'm late with the hood-winking... my laptop is having issues with networking
... Anyway - this is a beautiful poem... the imagery is stunning I love the second-to-last stanza the best, especially the last two lines... I'm glad you were chosen to be hood-winked, I look forward to reading more from you good luck in the contest!
Keep writing
Polly
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