Tuna fish,
Tuna fish,
yummy as can be.
Add a little egg,
it's enough for you plus me.
Throw in some onion,
stir it around.
A dollop of mayo,
goodness is found.
Grab your bread,
a spoon, and a plate.
Eat until belly's content,
tuna is great.
Author notes
NO GREEN HERE
A contest entry
- Poem of the Week - POW by Arkbear.
750 points, ended January 17, 2008, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Summer Salad by ea.
900 points, ended September 8, 2008, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
I want honest opinions on this.
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Wow even my adopted cat likes the tuna. when he gets the chance, great littlr write.
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yum, tuna salad just the way I like it, heavy on the onion and Hellman's. Never enough to go around with just one can. Now I'm hungry
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Chopped up pickle
but that's just my preference.
Love this write, especially the mayo!
Good luck with it.
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lol, that was cute. Tuna is yummy, i dont know about the onions though.
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Wow, I would never expect tuna to be “poetic” and yet...you’ve made it so. Nice job! As Bear said, when you can make us smile, you’ve done something right.
I think the main area this will get hit on my scoreboard is in depth of emotion. I can’t imagine how you’d get a lot of feeling into such a subject really, but this also affects the impact of the poem. Not that every poem needs a “point” to it, but outside of trying to get people to eat more tuna...???
Oh...I have to disagree with Bear on the comma in “a spoon, and a plate,” I know in less formal writing the comma before “and” is often omitted, but I’m still in favor of the more formal way of writing, as you’ve done. As to flow, it slowed me down there, but that’s okay IMO with such a short write, because I want moments to pause and absorb what you’re saying.
I guess I really have no suggestions on how to improve this. It’s one of those poems that doesn’t have a deep and complex meaning, but is enjoyable just the same.
Thanks so much for joining us in the POW, and good luck.
Best wishes,
~J.
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You are so funny ~
I am thrilled to see a Poet take chances such as this....as you have not only penned a fun write....but something we can all relate!
The Theme is not over-done by any means.....but it is a weeee bit on the soft side ~
When I say soft....I mean....the IMPACT factor is lacking......but to some extent....not ~
:)
You have made this Judge smile...and if you can do that, then you are doing well ~
I think the Imagery is lacking, yet you somehow got your views across without all of the vividness needed to bring your entry out to make it shine ~
The Flow is terrific....except right here.>>> *a spoon and a plate*....IMO, you don't need the comma after spoon :)
Remember, no editing your work, now that a Judge has touched your entry ~
Lots of best wishes to you and your entry,
Oh....Loved your Title :)
Bear ~
Title 10
Flow 9.95
Depth 9.45
Theme 10
Feelings 8.15
Grammar 10
Presentation 9.8
Uncommonness 10
Sit & Ponder Affect 9.7
Ability to follow Rules 10
Bears Score: 97.05
A very nice job :)
No editing!
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In water...not oil!
Best wishes in the contest!
Write on!
*PEACE*
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Has to be my favorite fish( no bones, thats why) Good luck in the contest
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Very unique, love the upbeat flow it has to it. Best of luck in the contest...I would change your BG to white with black text tho' before the judges come..
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Thank you for the comment. Also thank you so much for pointing out the BG, I seemed to have gotton it backwards, but I changed it lol. Thanks again.
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awee this is so adorable! its such a cute poem, really brings out a smile!
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Thank you bunches.
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YUM
I totally agree. that sounds really yummy right now! What an appetizing poem!
Nice work
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Thanks for the great comment. Glad you liked.
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