Bizaar image in mirror
glares back this night.
Macabre countenance
defiles the light.
"too early" it thinks,
for this feeling to rise:
but it has, so it must
carve creation tonight.
Silk shirt,tight jeans
a jaunty chapeau.
Upon it's body
it does bestow.
Artistically handsome.
Who could resist?
Devil in black,
doesn't really exist.
Gleam of silver
slashes enamored prey.
It chisels it's message,
anoints her face.
"I AM" it announces,
then leaves her in place.
Evil is stealthily,
prowling about.
You'll not comprehend,
but DON'T ever doubt.
Author notes
I know it's dark... but sometimes..I like dark... the Mary Poppins in me must Pms'ing. LOL... PO contesr. I chose to open peoples eyes to the devil around us(my theme,,, basically is to never let your guard down
In a list
A contest entry
- Poem of the Week - POW by Arkbear.
750 points, ended January 17, 2008, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Let us take on the Domain of HELL....all metaphors welcome! by ears2hearyou.
1200 points, ended November 7, 2008, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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OH...I so enjoyed how you wrote this........cleverly
done!
I must confess...I am pulling my hair by the roots
to judge this hellish contest!
Thankyou for your entry!
another poem to torture my soul attempting to judge!
ears/Seattle
oh..this is a tough tough contest ! -
"I am, I am, I am."
(:
-
I really liked the dark imagery
What is so interesting about your writes in dark formats,
is how you leave enough air so that we aren't twisted
or suffocated by the imagery....which is too easy to do
in dark writing. YOu left wide openings so that the
reader can hear your thoughts and questions them too...
which does leave us "wiggling" for more.
I really think you have just scratched the surface of
your dark writing abilities and I am so excited that you
have chosen our group to grow and practice and unleash
yourself so! (I loved your author notes, and I so agree
pms hot flashes sure put you in the mood for a good
dark unleashing write! love it)
ears2hearyou
Kathleen : ))
p.s. listen carefully to their critiques they have many
wise lessons to teach so we can effectively write.
and remember they are not "attached to our poems" as
we write with our souls...so if you ever feel tender
to critique it's really meant to be a poetic hug of
encouragement to give you more impact and flow.
-
Hi ShzoosyQ,
It's so good to see you join us in the POW, and with such an intriguing dark write too.
We don’t seem to get a lot of them in the PO contests, which is sad considering how much I like them.
I've read this several times over the last couple of days, and while your theme came through nicely to me, there are parts of the poem I didn’t feel were entirely clear. I'm wondering if the rhyme didn't dictate a little of what you wrote? I primarily question the “bestow” and “place” lines. Or it might just be me, but I think I needed just a tad bit more information about what you were trying to bring across. What is the “Gleam of silver” for example?
Just a couple of notes on the spelling/grammar: “Bizaar” should be “Bazaar” and “it’s” (short for “it is” in lines 11 and 19 should be “its” (the possessive form of “it”
You might want to get a space between the comma and “tight” in line 9 also.
I think you've done a wonderful job of bringing a dark tone to your poem, with good word choices and well chosen imagery. I think there’s potential for even more impact with a little more detail, but all in all a nice job.
Thanks so much for joining us, and good luck in the contest.
Best wishes,
~J. -
Hi my Friend!
*silk shirt,tight jeans*....get rid of that space after the comma :)
A few places where I think your grammatical Flow is off....but only because of word choice ~
I liked this Theme, as it has never been done in the PO' contests before I don't believe ~
Your balance of *Show & Tell* are nice....but not as impacting as I would have liked this peom to be ~
This is a Theme which requires a tremendous amounts of detail and thought....and you have done well.....but the POWER is a littel soft.....and when talking about satan, the Reader should get the feeling of never wanting to be around this *subject* at any time ~
So....with that said.......my over-all suggestion is........dive into your Theme and never let the Reader get away from you ~
When you are using *short* couplets, it is sometimes difficult to get a full impact of Flow on your Reader.....but it is not that bad :)
*Artistically handsome, who could resist*.....I loved that line!
Nice effort my Freind.....now let's see how it scores on my board.....no editing now, as a Judge has touched your work :)
Good luck to you and your entry!
Bear ~
Title 9.85
Flow 9.35
Depth 9.45
Theme 10
Feelings 9.7
Grammar 9.3
Presentation 9.6
Uncommonness 10
Sit & Ponder Affect 9.75
Ability to follow Rules 10
Bears Score: 97.0
Nice job!
:)
-
Very strange, hehe, quite dark with a definite air of menace.
I like what you're saying, well done and good luck in the contest,
Floorboards.
-
Interesting.....
I had to read it a couple times...
Best wishes in the contest!
*PEACE*
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I enjoyed this eye opener...Good luck in the contest
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I really like this piece, laced with darkness. Very well penned indeed! Good luck with it in the contest. You ought to put the theme in your notes, before the judges come
-
oh..i liked that so many rich
pearls of wisdom in this write. It is interesting isn't
it...we believe in a higher power, a spiritual source,
I call him Father God personally, yet we don't believe
that their could be a spiritual realm working against
us. Perhaps all those exorcist movies ??
or it's too easy to blame the devil and not ourselves!
I enjoyed this poem immensely!
Excellent job!
ears2hearyou
Kathleen : )) keep writing dark if you have
a real talent for it.. sparks
with Beaming LIGHT!
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