You would kill the song
for the want of spite,
and chase the moon
for the need of dark.
But hell will embrace
the wintered heart,
that only beats
for the love of self.
I was the mockingbird
singing your song,
and the august moon
in your darkest nights.
I would have sung any tune
that you wished to call,
but each note was a stitch
in the waiting pall
that you wrapped me in
on that total eclipse.
A contest entry
- Your Favorite Work? by RedAquarius.
550 points, ended January 27, 36 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - IMAGERY - Prewrites Welcome by Heavens Child.
575 points, ended April 20, 30 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Deep emotions by Addicus.
400 points, ended April 28, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Stupore Rounds -Prewrites- by rainbows..
400 points, ended August 19, 63 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 48 of 48
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I would say no, but the other judges all said yes so you're good.
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Yes.
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Yes.
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yes
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this is lovely..I adore it!...you leave me waiting..impatiently..you leave me hanging..sadly..each line speaks volume..each word hint of so much more..great write
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Got me thinking again
You have a theme with what you're pointing me to tonight, don't you
.
The work is technically brilliant. It is tight in construction, and deep in its provocation of thought. It leaves me really wondering who was caller of the tune you were singing ... and that, along with other work I've recently read, really has me thinking tonight.
I also love the image at the top of the poem. It really sets a mood for the poem, brings out the emotion more powerfully.
Great job, my friend!
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Fantastic! I see why it's wearing gold. I'm sure it went over the head of the judge in the "Deep emotions" contest. He removed my gold winning sonnet without an explanation. How can these judges call themselves poets?
Love,
Amera♥
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This reminds me of the book to Kill A Mocking Bird.
Good write. -
Excellent poetry.... this is constructed so well! You hold the attention of your reader from beginning to end. Best wishes and thank you for entering.
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So very thick with feeling...
I breathed it in each line, each subtle rhythm.
Congrats on such lovely recognition. Blue
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A great mix of imagery with content; there is bitterness underlining this and that serves to make the soft imagery stand out even more. Very nice write.
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First of all, love the picture.
Next, love the poem. Love the imagery and the way you structure your words. It sounds bitter and spiteful, yet somehow lonely as well. I really like it.
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This contest is quite something, your poem has such depth and emotion, seemining so soft but packing a punch, great stuff!
Jeff
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Whew.
I agree with Amera. This poem just aches.
I do see a tie in with your little mockingbird, and the death of innocence itself.
I am honored to have this piece in my contest D.
I am in awe of your amazing emotion. I can see you'd have me blubbering like a baby with everything you write.
THIS is no exception.
I love the image of the eclipse enfolding the little bird, ahhhh. That did it
Love always,
Jin
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As always your poetry grabs the reader's heart and simply will not let go. This poem is perfect for the prompt especially the last stanza as you compare yourself to the mockingbird. I knew this contest would attract the best poets on AP. Bravo!
Love,
Amera♥
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absolutely lovely!
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This is really good as well. I just have to say that the last poem you wrote, well, the last one I read spoiled me onsiderably. This is an amazing write, almost can hear it in a song
Never ♥
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"I would have sung any tune that you wished to call". This line spoke to me. Of how far we are willing to go for love. Great piece, thanks for entering. Good luck.
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Interesting title. I really liked it. It has been awhile since i read any poetry frm you.
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oooh...I loved this and can definitely relate.
Powerful, moving and great imagery.
Nicely done, thank you for entering.
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Vivid imagery, Dear Poet, and wonderfully worded.
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GREAT
you have some really note worthy lines in this piece an i really enjoyed reading it! good luck in the contest!
~NineTailedFox -
oooh! I really like this!
Wonderful imagery, perfect wording, great sense of mystery...
I'm impressed!
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chase the moon
for the need of dark. .... beautiful line. There is a beautiful fable about a nightengale and this put me in mind of that for some reason. thank you for the entry -
Very strong and powerful poem, I'm glad you entered this into my contest. I love the last stanza, it's a perfect ending to this wonderful writing. :]
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excellence is rare
Di I'm sure that so many can't be wrong...you are damned talented and whether it be form or verse, you still be the Queen
this one had a cadence that hummed as I read it several times...like a calling
thanks for giving us all the therapy we so need
peace and hugs
Muddy
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This is a wonderful poem, sad but full of inspiring imagery. The first two stanzas are very powerful, and the shift of focus in the final stanza is brilliant.
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powerful
powerful and unique! very meaningful and awesome imagery. i wish i were so talented! thanks for sharing your exquisite talent, it is timeless and i look forward to reading more of you.
blessings and Istomps
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Dynamite! The second stanza is so true. And the 5 or 6 lines are beautifully written. The phrasing and symbolism is so original. Keep it up!
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awesome, such power in your words, and so much meaning, bravo, well done. i really liked the 2nd stanza.
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so very Well done...PK
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I especially like the third stanza, the imagery of mockingbird, august moon, waiting pall. They meet nicely to secure the ending of the piece. Congratulations on the bronze.
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The rich, haunting tone of this one really moves the reader. The last stanza for me is the best as the emotion behind the metaphors is very well executed. This is excellently done. Thank you for entering.
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well done
Good imagery and emotion. I can relate to the piece but for a different reason. Mine is betray. This seems to be about deceptive love. -
crystaldust 14-01-08 11:03
This is being back with a vengeance, my friend. An excellent poem full of bitter verve and clear-cut images. Love the first stanza because it sets the tone for the rest. Great write, this. mlj
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Lovely
This is beautiful. This is poetry. Catchy title, I would have passed it by otherwise.
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This is such a superb write, you captured the melancholy pain so well and with such concise sadness in this piece, simple yet still packing a punch to the heart, well done on reaching the front page and goodluck in the contest.
Karen
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"I was the mockingbird
singing your song,
and the august moon
in your darkest nights."
that's gorgeous.
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This is outstanding work, really a masterful write well done
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nice inspiring write
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Welcome back Di. This is outstanding verse, an elegant expression of irony and loss. Best of luck!
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=
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awe inspiring poem
Gripping poem, hope you win.
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TOUCHING!!!!!!
It happens so much to me as I try my best to reach out to someone to help only to have them turn a deaf ear and blind eye to me who only a short time ago was their object of desire.
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HUGS! This is a sad sad write! But I LOVE it! The metaphors you have used are wonderful and used so well. I love the shift from how this guy acts towards the mockingbird and moon to then reveal that you are these and how you acted toward him. Really packs a punch. A very different way of looking at a kind of unrequited love. Yes, I like this very much!
Dari xxx
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Such sorrowful declarated loyalty to a treasured love.A reader can feel the honesty voiced in surendering all of self in this exquisite piece.Brutal cruelty injuring precious treasure isn't merely dispassionate,it's sinful.Moving emotions saturate each meaningful line here.
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This is good..this reminds of a song with Mockingbird it but dang it I can't remember it now!
Anyway, best of luck in the contest 
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wonderful write DI i loved it a lottt especailly the mockingbird: good lucks in da contest tooo
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