Caught in the tango – the tango of three,
My heart’s slowly breaking
As you dance with us both,
Trapping us in your realm of infatuation.
This love triangle you have me in
Is more than I can bear.
Her feelings for you,
You do requite,
And leave me broken-hearted.
You keep me under your spell
You hold my heart in your hands.
But now, it slowly dawns on me
The situation that I’m in,
And I’ve got to get out of this torment.
So in this tango – the tango of three,
Where you tie up both our minds,
I break off from these gliding steps
And watch you two dance the night away.
Author notes
i wrote this (in class lol) about something happening to me - i kinna like this guy who likes someone else who likes him back,so yea.....
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Ehh, I meant tough situation, not though situation.
Heehee. -
Ooh, though situation. I liked your metaphor of it being a tango. It gives the idea that the guy is purposely keeping you in this situation because it's amusing to him. It might not be the exact situation, but that's what it seems from this.
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I like the idea and the potential, but I think you should of added more symbolism and made it a little more metaphorical and less literal.
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i agree with perception....it does seem like you're holding back. i can tell from some of the poem that you can wright better. still, the idea is good. maybe try re-wording it a little?
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Eh. It was ok, I just didn't feel as if your idea was totally there. I don't know. It just didn't seem like you wrote it to your best ability. I felt as if you were holding back....
But, I like the potential it has - which it definately does.
If you look into it, and perhaps edit it... You might have something good
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the good: A great flow and I like the pace. Also the language is quite captivating.
Critique: A bit mashed up. At the first read I was feeling quite "pulled", maybe an line break here or there?
Overall: A touching write that shows great potential.
Keep up the good work.
G -
AMAZING!
You did a great job here, i could actually feel the heartbreak
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moving
oh my gosh that ending is sad... in a beautifully tragic sort of a way tho.. but then i think its u and i feel sad
honey this is a really great write. i like the allusion to dancing, and how u bring it back at the end of the poem. great job
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