Speeding to the cornershop,
on my brand new bike,
balancing my bag of sweets,
all the things I like.
Piano practice every day,
scales and studies read,
tea and maybe some TV,
tucked up tight in bed.
I know that mummy loved me,
I know she loves me now,
but I miss you 'wudda' dearest,
and then my head I bow.
A tear will sometimes venture,
to trickle down my face,
when I think of how it was,
when you were in this place.
You'd hoist me on your shoulder,
surveying all below,
so strong, and yet so gentle,
in time, you helped me grow.
I keep remembering special things,
the secrets that we shared,
how you taught me right from wrong,
when not to be so scared.
I'll always love you 'wudda',
until the day I die,
I know that we will meet again,
when in your arms I'll lie.
Author notes
My Dad was my life...30 years and I still miss him to bits.
A contest entry
- TEN THOUSAND POINTS OF RHYME (Now 20,000+) Part 8 Sad/Nostalgia by cricketjeff.
1500 points, ended January 24, 2008, 51 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Good to see you picking up another HM with a very very touching tribute to a man who was clearly very special to you, all of us with Fathers worthy of this sort of love can count ourselves lucky, and I hope my children will one day want to speak of me with such love.
Thank-you very much for your continued support in the series. When we started running these it was hard to find rhymers on AP who would admit their guilty secrets, now many of the best "Free-Versers" are entering!
On a more personal level I know that this series has improved my own poetry enormously and that Sue feels the same. We have also met a great many poets we did not know existed several of whom I now class as friends.
If you take your time to read a few other entries we both hope all the entrants will improve in the same ways.
Thank-you very much for this entry.
Jeff and Sue
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Wow!
Very emotional poem. One itsy bitsy thing...drop the commas. It REALLY takes away from a GREAT flow. Your rhythm is SPOT on (same with the ryhme) so the commas are not necessary.
I'm sorry about your Dad. I lost mine last year.
Monique -
I know how you feel when you have had a special closeness with your Dad. You never get over it really and no man can measure up to him in your heart. This poem really got to me as I adored my Dad too and he was on leave when I had my first bike. I had so little time with him but I still feel so much for him today as I did those years ago. A lovely write, so personal, such feeling, simple and beautiful. Love never needs fancy words, love speaks for it's self.
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I love this the flow and rhyme is awesome Good luck with it in the contest.
RedwingSpirit
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Hi babes-many thanks for you comment-the standard is very high for this contest and Soulcatcher has produced a hum- dinger of a poem!
The 'Satin sheets' thing was a bit of a lark!
Blessings and love as always.xxHilly
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