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Broken Seashells


As the silver rivers drown their shores
so my tears drown this broken love.
As my illusion of us evaporates,
the current still pulls me to where
we once were.
I try to catch your kisses as I watch them
float away on fallen tears.
I can hear them land as they splash into
  a million pieces
of you.
I always keep your smile afloat
even though the thought
crashes on my heart
like waves.
When you speak, your voice spits sand in my eyes
blinding me from
ever seeing “what could have been”
I know I have to submerge this dream of
“You and me”
but
when my memories loose breath
I freeze, and I can’t help but to
save them.
I know one day I will drift away to the sea of new beginnings
but until then,
I will just watch our promises wash up with the tide.

          You will always be
                          on my mind...........




Author notes

Contest--Finish my poem

"As the silver rivers drown their shores
so my tears drown this broken love.
As my illusion of us evaporates............

In a list

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 24 of 24

  • grannyeri gold member
    May 26

    Edit | Reply
    Liked the title, picture and poem - all fit so well together. GoOod flow as well. Liked the metaphor use too.

  • Amaranthine Lover silver member
    February 22
    Edit | Reply
    this is a beautiful piece

  • Ethereal One gold member
    February 20

    Edit | Reply

    beautiful

    What a sad, heart tugging poem you have written. I know these emotions you speak of, and your words express them so well.

    I especially like:

    "When you speak, your voice spits sand in my eyes
    blinding me from
    ever seeing “what could have been”

    Good luck in the contest!

    Ethereal One


  • Never Fall in Love gold member
    February 15

    Edit | Reply
    the current still pulls me to where
    we once were.

    I ADORE the play of words in that line. The way that both of the meanings of 'current' fit properly into the poem is one of my favourite things that people do in poetry - but I cant seem to get that done myself. This I mark as my favourites and it's going in my bookmarks!

    Nevr ♥


    • Layne..
      February 15
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so very much for all of your wonderful comments to my work, they really mean a lot....I am in awe of your work so I am a bit honored to hear of you being so fond of mine, thank you again

      -Layne

  • Pure Thought silver member
    February 4

    Edit | Reply

    Well great poetry

    runs in the family. Like the sad bittersweet tone in this. Look forward to duelling pens with you.
    Buddy


  • leander gold member
    January 31

    Edit | Reply
    I'll probably fall into repetition but... Good imagery, and some great metaphors
    The last line could maybe be a bit different - it felt kinda cliched to be honest

    Thanks for this entry as well
    Leander

  • AsIThink gold member
    January 18

    Edit | Reply
    Wow...this was incredible in essence, essentially evaporating ideas of coulda, woulda, shoulda non-realities. I was moved around by this piece. I like your style. You sculpted this piece like a like a revered artist. You have a powerful pen; use it wisely...lol. This was really good stuff; great imagery.


    • Layne..
      January 18
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so much for you kind comments....I am glad you liked this.. I will be back on your page as well to see the end to your new collabo, its already started pretty hot, so I will be back, thanks again
      -Layne

  • BermudaHighway
    January 14

    Edit | Reply
    "When you speak, your voice spits sand in my eyes"

    Wow, I really loved that metaphor. I think it's cool how you addressed two senses at once in such a unique, creative way.

    "when my memories lose breath
    I freeze, and I can’t help but to
    save them."

    Your descriptions are very raw. I can understand with precision the emotion you are conveying because your choice of words and metaphors are so spot on. I think you've gone in the right direction with the prompt. Perhaps the contest holder got sand spat in their eyes too.


    • Layne..
      January 14
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so much for taking the time to leave such a detailed comment, I really appreciate it. I really liked this poem too, I am glad you enjoyed it
      -Layne

  • WiseWithWordz
    January 13

    Edit | Reply

    bravo

    geesssss...this piece is sweeeeeeeeeeeet!!! the flow is so mellow...so sensual in a way that only one with the love of sorrow would understand....(i'm trying to be all poetic)...this piece is a brillant write! loved this poem from top to bottom...!


    • Layne..
      January 14
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks, glad to see you got around to checking out my work, I hope you enjoyed as much as I enjoy yours, thanks again
      -Love Layne
  • nothinghere silver member
    January 12
    Edit | Reply
    One day when our hearts get washed up on the shore one last time, we are going to give up swimming... ok a bad attempt at humour hun, it's been a rotten day, take what you can get

    Your writes as always pierce the innermost parts of my heart....

    Karen


  • Sign of the Swine
    January 11

    Edit | Reply
    This was incredibly penned. You create beautiful imagery and wonderful metaphors in your writing that really stand out. The flow of this was also connected to the mood of the piece. Great write.


    • Layne..
      January 11
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for reading my work, i am glad you enjoyed, I have become a fan of your work and I appreciate you reading mine as well
      -layne
  • juno0404
    January 11

    Edit | Reply
    "I know I have to submerge this dream of
    “You and me”
    but
    when my memories loose breath
    I freeze, and I can’t help but to
    save them."

    Remarkable take on the prompt,you have done a great job.

    Very nice.
    Thank you.

    • Layne..
      January 11
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so much for your kind words. I really appreciate it and I am so glad you enjoyed
      -love Layne

  • Swangrnv gold member
    January 11
    Edit | Reply

    WOW!

    VERY TOUCHING. And a very nice add to the piece! lots of luck in the contest.


  • Josh0517
    January 11
    Edit | Reply
    Great job baby. Another masterpiece. You have an incredibl talent. I love you.

  • moluv10
    January 11

    Edit | Reply
    Another great poem! You have really raised the bar with your work today. I'm in love with this write too! I can just see those kisses floating away on fallen tears and those promises washing up with the tide. I really hope you win something for this one. Brilliant!!


  • chrisl1360
    January 11

    Edit | Reply
    Very touching...sincere and sad. This poem really says so much with-out really saying it.. I loved it. I love the way you piece words together and make them sound so beautifully. Nice write!
1 - 24 of 24