Floating, is this an out of body experience
Or perhaps, I am drunken by your heady, lavendar scent,
Where on earth is this feeling to take me
In your sinewy, blueberry orbs, I detect your consent
My temperature has risen, to hard boil stage
I feel as a compass, madly pointing everywhere,
Overwhelmed, by your mystical appearance
As red as the frilly corset that you wear
I'm speaking, but my words won't quite conform
I pray these silent ramblings make way to your ear,
Suddenly, as brilliant fireworks explode within us
You gaze at me, you nod, to let me know that you hear
Amazingly, as our souls are eternally entwined
A brazen heart trail, created by one love filled tear,
Euphoria, rushing, coursing through our veins
Our passion united, as a wedding cake, with one sole tier.
Author notes
WRITTEN 1-07-2008
POETDONTKNOWIT
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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The rhyme in the last stanza was fantastic. What an image in the ending of this piece.
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I agree with a comment from below, this could be considered mature erotica. I loved it. This piece made me think of all the love I feel for my significant other, and it describes perfectly the passion and lust that intermingle with love to create such a spellbinding emotion. It is very well-written.
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I don't really see any relation to the prompt...call me an idiot. I do like the last verse but how exactly does a wedding cake with just one tier unite with anything? (scratches head)
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I guess that's what should be called mature erotica. Well written but I think that those readers who are young at age (or younger than you are) won't find a way to relate to this poem. I'm a total immature myself so I can't say the poem "blew me away" or something like that. However, I appreciate the work that, I suppose, you have put in it.
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I agree with my co-judge that this really is a bit off-theme, but enjoyable nonetheless. You know how to squeeze the romance out of a poem. Fine job at it.
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This is a bit off-theme. Speaking more of finding a passionate union rather than lust and its devastation.
I do find some of the imagery appealing here such as the compass and blueberry orbs. Overall, an enjoyable read. Blue
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The rhyming was good, but not blow-me-away amazing. I'm really pompous about rhyming, and this just felt like it fell a little short. And I think you need a ? at the end of the first line. Other then that, this is a really good poem. Great write and very nice to read.
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wow...i like this poem alot.
great job -
This IS much more of a love poem than erotica although erotic it most certainly is. The approach is well balanced and the whole is always pointing to the climax. Nicely done. Would benefit from spell check - lavendar, corsett, conscent, for example.
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