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movement

and shadows, spilling dark secrets
words and blood and meaning

missing your lips with secret sacrifice
drip drip dreams
darknesss, fade

Author notes

21 words

A contest entry

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression? • Line numbers
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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • oikevois baby silver member
    May 27
    Edit | Reply
    "missing your lips with secret sacrifice"

    Superb...brilliant!!

    Mylee

  • timberwolf1313
    January 12
    Edit | Reply
    wow that was great way to go i liked it

  • whispernthedark silver member
    January 12

    Edit | Reply
    This is amazing! I love the third line especially, but every line is perfect, for me it's filled with such mystery and longing. Satisfying read.

    ♥
    whisper


  • zochit2me gold member
    January 11
    Edit | Reply
    Love the way the title leads right into the poem itself and the flow is like a drip as referenced in the poem. I think it would be stronger as well if you changed the Spilling to spill and the missing to miss, just my humble opinion
    I like this though a lot.

    Becky


  • Lord Viceroy
    January 11

    Edit | Reply
    This poem brings a good picture to mind. what made you write this? What is the true meaning to it?


  • dehydrated
    January 11
    Edit | Reply
    -spilling dark secrets
    > spilling dark secrets, ?

    -words and blood and meaning>
    words; blood and meaning ?

    i think this has a lot of powerful images. "your lips", a personal allusion makes it more raw. well done. good luck and thanks for entering.

    -

  • Cat gold member
    January 11

    Edit | Reply
    i love the poetic device of the title falling into the poem and i think the drip of the poem carries it almost as though the poem is dripping from the
    faucet of the title-

    i think you have some very good images here- wonder about making the gerunds stronger (spill rather than spilling- and miss rather than missing)

    i like the alliteration of the drip and the dreams

    a very nice piece

    m

  • haikumonk gold member
    January 11

    Edit | Reply
    missing your lips
    darkness dreams
    drip, drip, fade

    LOL... of course this is how I would think... I have A.D.D and write only haiku!

    Intersting, simply write that provides layers of thought. Good seeing ya Kevin.


  • Piccola gold member
    January 11

    Edit | Reply
    I like this. I too see the fade in-fade out of cinema. The drip drip reminds me of a William Holden movie I saw where blood is dripping off of a table that he is hiding under. Nice job with only 21 words.


  • Suzanne Dia gold member
    January 11

    Edit | Reply


    Reminds me of a fade in/fade out in a film. I like the language and image here, Kevin. Kinda like the way the title goes directly into the poem as well.

    Good luck.




    • Kevin Moderators member
      January 11
      Edit | Reply
      phew, this contest moves fast! Thx I haven't written spontaneously like that for awhile...
1 - 11 of 11