I do not see a grim reaper
But a beautiful girl who laughs
For this is a beautiful world
Hung by the sins of its past
I do not see a sharp scythe
But a gentle kiss and touch
For this is a gentle world
Which longs to be loved so much
I do not see its weary bones
But an inviting body to hold
For she is a warm invitation
Safe harbour from the cold
I do not see its dark cloak
But bright eyes that shine
For this is a shining world
That takes your love in mine
I do not smell its foul stench
But in her sweet scent of love
For there is a god who loves life
Who lives in my soul sure enough
Author notes
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Written November 10th, 2003
In a list
A contest entry
- Give Me Your Best!! by DeceitfulBeauty.
375 points, ended April 5, 2005, 31 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 53 of 53
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The most....
...simplistic of rhyming patterns, and even THEN, we have 2 non-rhymes ; or, to be kinder, HALF-rhymes, in "laughs" and "past" and "love" and "enough".
Just a fair effort IMHO.
R. -
Grrr... forgot
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Very nice.
You have done a remarkable job here, looking at both sides of the same coin, and coming to your own verdict on which fork to take on the path before you. -
I love the outlook of the protagonist: where others see a grim reaper, he sees a beautiful girl who laughs; where others see a sharp scythe, he sees a gentle kiss and touch; where others see weary bones, he sees an inviting body; where others see a dark cloak, he sees bright eyes that shine; where others smell foul stench, he smells sweet scent of love.Not only where the images striking, the entire piece stands out.It charms from start to end.
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good
I always did think death was a thing to be cherished, not feared. Well put, and completely without angst. -
I don't mind this, but I often find with thes epieces that thye blur into one, which i a bit unfair on the author as I am sure they have a depply personal meaning. This sort of poem will have mass apeal and it is beautifully written, it just lacks imagination and something different for me.
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This is really great!
Congrats on the contest!
~Sarah -
congratulations David
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I love it.
Good job! Your poetry is wonderfully beautiful! Ok, I didn't like it. I simply thought it was the most beautiful piece ever written! I can realate to your writing and it's worded perfectly -
wow thats great work you will probably beat me in the contest!
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Very Nice
Oh this is really very good. Makes me feel happy just reading it and provides that element of hope. A wonderful entry for this contest. A pleasure to read. Good Luck.
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Wonderful
Oh..geesh. This is a prayer, for goodness sakes. Excellent. REALLy.
What a unique reflection. Artfully written. Tight...polished for the most part.
Thank you for sharing. Warmly, CookieZeal/DB -
This is amazing, its deep, powerful and very expressive. The imagery is vivid, and the wording done to perfection... I love it. Captivating from the first line to the very last. Thanks for sharing and good luck.
Take Care
- Becca -
I reread this piece several times. Though your imagery is eautiful and your wording is deep, I am trying to grasp the meaning. Are you writting about a goddess? Maybe it's just me.
TD -
this is such a funky poem...i kno dat aint really da right word but there you go.
the first 2 lines really made me feel ready 2 read da poem...i kno that doesnt really makes sense
wot i'm tryin 2 say is dat da start of this poem really sets the scene for the rest of it.
my fave bit is "For she is a warm invitation
Safe harbour from the cold"
i luv this poem!!!
XxelmojonesxX
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I always try to think of death as being the same as
before we are born. And not many people can actually
say they fear a return to that state. Your poem is one
of those that touches deeply anyone who feels the same.
You have put so beautifully into words what I would so love
to feel is the truth.
For there is a God who loves life
Who lives in my soul sure enough
These lines are the only ones I have a problem with.
Because you capitalised 'god' does this mean that you
belive in a 'God'? If so, surely that is not the point
of this contest. Just a bit puzzled here.
Best, always ~ crisstiena
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this is a wonderful piece...no fear of death when one is with the Lord...actually a welcome event. great work
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This is really great! Wow! This is really great! Very nice! Best of luck in the contest! Keep up the great work!
God bless you,
~~~~~
Erika ~~~~~
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More Than Very Good
Great poem!!! Nicely written!! Good job on it!! I love your style, very much!!! Good luck in the contest!!! -
Nicely written. Thank you for entering.
Second Gospel -
Very nice. I have to wonder if you're at all influenced by author Neil Gaimain's vision of death as a beautiful, perky girl who always has a smile and loves to meet people.
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Hung by the sins of its past.
How very true. And yet so morbidly depressing. Very well done. You've hidden depressing things in beautiful words. -
lovely
i like this poem a lot! i wanna add it to my favorites. too many people fear death. instead we should embrace it as the person you described, as a fact of life that everyone will have to face eventually. you show such hope through this piece... that death is not the end and it does not have to be a scary thing. over many centuries of writing, death has been described as many things... but i have never seen this point of view before. kudos for being original! thanx for sharing this piece and best of luck in the contest!
God bless!
~Faile~ -
Although you said it could be trippy/scary/etc. I also felt it could be construed as sincere and warm. It could be read as you say- very morbid, with a dark twist that's curiously obsessed with death. On the other hand, this could be read with an uplifting mentality, that really is sincere in some of the warm word you use. All up to interpretation, I suppose. I thoroughly enjoyed the rhymes, and the wording you used.
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I love the comparison/contrats of the entire poem. You have placed the good with the not so good, and left us with the best. Very beautifully written, leaving the reader to dissiminate right from wrong for themselves. Eloquent! Good luck with the contest.
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great poem, really heartfelt and meaningfull, excellent write, and good luck in the contest. thanks for entering. Laters
~t0bes -
This is really tender and not to mention, pretty...thanks for entering, nice job
rhiannon -
Thanks For entering
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This is wonderful, I love the way you put this together, thank you for entering and good luck in the contest.
x S*S x
Edited on May 01, 3:37 p.m. because ''. -
Good.
Good Lord, you just crank out one kick ass poem after another. Nice, nice! -
Next time dont pick girlfriends that resemble death.
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Great poem
Well done, David. I have been recently rediscovering some old poetry written in journals that are twenty five years old. My poetry style has changed and what is important to me has also. I used to write about loneliness and wanting to die....I would never have thought your writing would have been something beautiful. Your poem is how I see life now. Thanks for sharing this wonderful poem! Cheryl
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Beautifully written!
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Hmmmm... I like it. It flows togather very smoothly, and the wording is also excellent. Although many of my writes seem to be the opposite, check some of them out.
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Amen, what a wonderful way to express this upside down world.
With the eyes of God, seeing the beauty of this world is by far so precious.
Great job
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Great
This was a very good, very interesting write. I like the imagery within this piece. And your take on death is quite refreshing. I'm sick of reading about people wanting to die. Great job, Jason -
beautifull work,,,you told the story well,, the empressions where wonderfull,,this speaks of looking past the ugliness we see around us everyday,, and realizing that god is in us,, and all around us,,and that we should focus more on the beauty and wonder of our home this earth, and look alittle less at the imperfections,,excellent, I trully injoyed the reading.
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Ah...this is wonderful. I love your version of what the grim reaper looks like....a more tender and caring way to be carried off into the next life. I think you did an excellent job with this. I definitely enjoyed reading it.
Great work!!
Sam
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very good
i really agree that that was said above. this is a really good piece of work. i love it. hehe how it compairs death to a wonderful beautiful girl. its really great
keep on writing pal -
i love it it had a raly good beet and ya it was aswem i hope to see moar like it well see you wen i see you by for naw
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Beautifully written. Vivid imagery and great rhyming and flow. A very nice write. Bravo!
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Uplifting
"Death, where is your sting?"
I loved this poem! We may hold on to this beautiful life, until the Doorway of Death leads us to Life Forever. Wonderful personification here, Poet.
More, please!
Myra -
Great
Amazing poem. Great job. This poem is very well written. Very express love in this poem. Keep it coming...Awesome job. -
in hope we find love, warmth and light in all!
this is refreshing and I wish more people viewed this
world in a positive light rathter than a synical death.
May God shine his mercy on us all
Tamara
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Ah, a bittersweet philosophy if ever there was one, but about as positive a spin on death as one can put on it. I enjoyed this immensely.
Here's one of my favorite writings on death. I thought you might enjoy it.
Death is not the enemy of life, but its friend, for it is the knowledge that our years are limited which makes them so precious. It is the truth that time is but lent to us which makes us, at best, look upon our years as a trust handed into our temporary keeping. (Joshua Loth Liebman)
Write on!
Mark -
This is a very inspirational write^_^ I love the flow of the words and how the earth is compared to a laughing girl. It's very lovely, I'm glad there are still those that look on the positive side^_^ Good job
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I loved this poem it was so beautiful and it's very uplifting and I to try to look at the positive aspects of life rather than the negative and i try to live my life as it may be my last as God would want me to. I find when there are problems God is the one I can always run to, and to this day I'm happy so I must be doing something right. This poem is perfect; the flow the great use of words and the perfect rhyme all the way through. Awseome write; keep it up. Thanx for entering my contest; I will be finished judging tonight and good luck!!!!!
Timber
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I like that you shared your hope with us. Its very bright here, and you may find those with sun-sensitive souls prefer it where it is dark. No matter, there are many who share your hope and optimism.
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A very nice write my friend. Smooth with no extra verbiage that would ruin the flow. I see you see life rather than death in this poem about a viewpoint. It is good to have a positive attitude. I used to feel that way all the time. Now in the twilight of my years he is taking on sharper contours but still I try to have fun and romance. Thank you for sharing this
I also wrote a poem of the positve aspects of the Grim Reaper. You may be curious enough to give it a peak. It is a contest poem I wrote a few weeks back about a little girl that died from lukemia it is called The Grim Reaper. -
Amazing.
Wow, I really like this, it is beautifuly written and a wonderful story. -
AHA,found a good one this time David,good to see such a positive one my friend,would like to see more like this,the angels were certainly working with you on this one.I still think there is hope for our world,there is still a lot of beauty in it.its just that the bad things over shadow the good ones.I still think we are in the lucky country.
Joan
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I don't see the positive things, I see the negative because to me, that's all life is full of, negativity. If you can't rell that from my poems already, thanks for your comment, by the way, and .....uh..... thanks for giving me hope that there's more out there then the bad.
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