smoke circles,
a dingy halo
overhead
as thoughts of you
and I
once again filter
through the
fragmented crevices
of my sleep depraved mind
two hearts
intertwined...
yours
and mine
stare up at me
from my arm
a permanent reminder
that at least
some things
are meant to be
forever
while melodious sounds
herald
a lover's lament
as the tunes go
unnoticed
amidst the
eloquence of my mind's
reasoning
making sense of this
isn't as important
as knowing
that where once
there was us...
now has been
downgraded
to me
whispering echoes
of yesterday's tomorrow
Author notes
Poem inspired by Apocalyptica's Farewell
Background is made by me, and is of Warchild, a musician from Atlanta, Georgia. Image used with his permission.
In a list
- E. Song Inspired • next in list
- A. Writes that make me think I may actually have a little poet in me • next in list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 29 of 29
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Two HUGE Thumbs up!
I love it, I love it, I love it... I wish I could find a better way to express the passion that I have for this piece... lol but I dont... so I'll say again how much I love it. the imagery and wording or it all is just plain amazing. I can't wait to read more of your work. ... Just awesome... lol I loved it
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Sad and powerful poem. Good flow, imagery, that brings the reader into the scene effortlessly.
One question: I want to read 'and me' in the 5th line - did you get a special dispensation from the Grammar Police?
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I have that dispensation around here someplace...
my desk is a mess, so it may take a while to find. 
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beautiful (:
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no need for revision
i felt evry part of your words as tough u read into my own feelings, this has to be one of the best poems i have ever read.
i am not a very good poet, but i hope to someday be as good as you just proved yourself to be in this poem<3
-lorena
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Why thank you
I'm not a very good poet, either, but sometimes the words get placed in the right spot and things work out.
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Sweetly written out of pain
Powerful images and many good memorable lines. Love the finale - -whispering echoes of yesterday's tomorrow. Keep reaching those powerful emotions as you write.
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To be honest, the finale is one of my favorites.
Thank you for your comment, I appreciate you taking time to read and to leave a few words.
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o my goodness... I have to admit grade A. I love your flow. you're use of words and timing... you really took me. hands down!... and by the way melodious is like my favorite word... straight up.
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Thank you . Melodious just has such a classic feel to it that I like incorporating it in things (same with some other words that are not normally used, like staccato)
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wow
I must admit i thought when i seen the structure at first glane that i woukldnt relate to this that it was form and not words but i was very wrong this is powerful and beautiful, well done take care kathrin xx -
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Thank you for the comment. I like to play around sometimes with spacing, since it can add to the overall feel of something.... sort of an additional imagery thing.
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I liked the title and imagery. I did have one question: should it be "sleep deprived mind"? On the other hand I have also felt sleep depraved! LOL
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Either works, but I was going with the morally corrupt version...thoughts and images filtering through, maybe some not so nice, brought on by lack of sleep
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a brilliant piece!
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There is something about the term; "carpe diem" that has always captivated me. Maybe the movie; "The Dead Poet's Society" had something to do with it. That is one of my favorite movies. LOL
There is a sad echo to these words, although there are times when lovers part, and memories remain. Your poem is strikes the heart. This is truly wonderful free verse. Thank you my friend for entering my contest with this heartfelt poem. Please forgive my tardiness in commenting. Life surely took its place before AP in my schedule book. Sorry!
Much Love Always ♥
Renee
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What a brilliant piece of writing!
The inspiration definitely fell to a worthy pen! Hehehe
Or slightly less dramatic... I thoroughly enjoyed it!
Well written and a beautifully sad ending! I look forward to reading more!
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Whow! This emotion fill of life took the affair from excitement at an onset to trying reason to the bitter end. Nice work Poetess.
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Brillant background with it
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It just sort of fits, doesn't it?
It's so cool that he let me use it.
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wow this is good! the last stanza is very powerful and thought-provoking. nice write.
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Brilliant!!!
A mesmerizing tale indeed - and one of profound eloquence. This poem resounds upon the very nerve of reality, and shines as high as the sun. Excellent use of imagery and metaphor... good flow... great job!!! Best of luck to you in this contest, and write on, shine on forever!!! Peace, Cyn
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*snif snif* that made me a little sad...i could offer you a nicotine patch and some sleeping pills, or maybe a
?
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A beautiful write Ms Barbara, not downgraded to you, you've always been right up there. --- Thank you.
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whispering echoes
of yesterday's tomorrow
one of the finest endings to a poem, nicely done here my Friend, the whole piece is serene- yet not, enjoyed this...peace Terry
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Rich and flowing.
I love the style you used to write this poem. It feels continuous and never-ending, almost. I 'specially like this part: "from my arm
a permanent reminder
that at least
some things
are meant to be
forever". It just fascinated me. The choice of words and the way you put the whole poem together. Just, wow. Definitely rich in text. Neat poem.
Thanks for sharing. -
Great message. I like the last two lines the best. I also liked the short lines. It really moved the poem along.
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ah damn it I forgot my clappys
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this poem is beautiful! It's Wonderful seeing you write again!!! You should try listening to that and hearing Ricki Martain play on you tube at the same time 
Anyway, outstanding job!!
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