I lay awake once again
Reminising about our encounter
I need you here
My only fear is losing you
You're so close
Yet, I can't see your face
Or feel your touch
I long to hold you close
And take all your
Fears away
I yearn to become
Lost in you tender kiss
All I dream about is
Gazing into your
Dancing eyes,
Your smile
Is all that fills my mind
You've captivated me
And I need you here
To heal all my pain
Author notes
I'm not sure if everything is spelled right.. I think the spell check is on the fritz... I hope you like this..
A contest entry
- Love :) by Ghetto Superstar..
600 points, ended June 27, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Good
Your word choices are clever, descriptive, and imaginative. Your simplest words can carry the most weight when you make the reader feel them and not hear them. The author uses good imagery and maintains a poetic flow through the whole piece. I enjoyed reading this poem, it rings true and real. Nicely put, well written with poetic flare.
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Very Honest!
I could feel, and almost see and taste your thoughts as they began to roam the page as they pondered! This is what poetry for me is all about... An unchained melody or longing of the heart so compelling that its' sole purpose is to be this freely expressed...
I have a suggestion though, and I promise that it is small!
When you say...
" I yearn to become
Lost in you tender kiss "
I feel it would enlighten the reader a wee bit more if you were to say!
" I yearn to become
Lost again in your tender kiss ".
Let me know what you think? Ok?
~ James ~
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i actually think that is a very good suggestion.. i will definately consider it... thanks..
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ths is sweet
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thanks
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nice
not bad it was good i realy liked
''I long to hold you close
And take all your
Fears away''. good work keep it up
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