Confused Love

Broken and hurt

You came to comfort me

Protect me

And hold me

Everything was going smoothly

Until my emotions clashed again

Every time a relationship,

Starts to get good

Something always messes with my head

So many guys I had liked before you

I knew that I didn’t have a chance with them anyway

It just seems like currently

Their feelings for me had changed also

The first one I cant date because of his age

The second one, I believe he already has a girlfriend

The third one, my mom would kill me if I dated him again

But the fourth one…

I cant really give you the details about it

Only because I promised that I wouldn’t.

The fourth one confuses me the most

We’ve been friends for years…

I’ve asked him out countless times

But he said no each time

I’m just wondering if…

What happened was coincidence or not…

That’s one reason why I’m like how I am now.

Now another problem arises

What will happen in the future

My heart says yes…

My mind and mom says no…

Every time I follow my heart

I end up getting screwed in the end…

Should I follow it this time?

Or just let the relationship end…

I don’t want to hurt you

I love you too much to hurt you

I know I have months to think about

What to do in the future

But that’s not enough time…

It’s a big risk…

A lot will be lost…

I will either lose a lot of respect in my family

Or lose you

My heart and body is so torn right now

I don’t know what to do

I cant even think clearly…

I’m crying more often now…

Pushing away friends and family

I’m making a lot of people worried about me

Not on purpose either…

I’m pushing my sister away and hurting her

My mother thinks I’m doing drugs

I think that some of my teachers are worried also

But I think they are just looking from the sidelines

In case anything drastic happens…

Right now, part of me is wishing that I had kept saying no

I know that you want to do everything you can for me

I know and knew I was too unstable for a relationship

I don’t know what possessed me into thinking

That I was ready for another when I wasn’t

I love you…I don’t want to hurt you

I just don’t know what to do

I want to hold off on the relationship

But I don’t know what will happen in the future

I don’t know if I’ll find someone in real life

I don’t know what will happen to me in the future

I am scared to face the future…

Every time I look in the future

I don’t see anything for me…

There’s always something blocking it

The future looks helpless for me

Most of the time I don’t even know why I’m alive

When ever things are going my way

I see a long term problem…

Most of the time I wonder why I am able to wake up in the morning

I don’t want you to have to see me like this…

It’s why I push you away sometimes

Or tell you to take a nap or go do something

I’m just confused…

And I don’t know what to do…