Your white chocolate lips up against mine,
your soft loving touch behind,
your fingers running and brushing,
through my now soft hair,
your smile as you say,
"I love you my dear",
I hug you tight,
then that was it,
tonight was,
Our one sweet kiss.
Author notes
wow...didnt know i could write like that..
A contest entry
- Quickie by Starz of Heaven.
525 points, ended January 10, 2008, 4 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - GET NOTICED!!!! by Nighttime angel.
625 points, ended January 13, 2008, 88 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - dark writes (just...make me feel something) by my--i u--k i.
542 points, ended January 28, 2008, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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cool
i like the details about the love you have put into this touching poem, i love the great story this poem has behind it. did you notice the words make a cool shape like those cups you drink out of at a wedding or something, this is a great poem good luck in all the contests, and keep writing, -Amy
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very nice
The shortening of words creates a nice buildup with a perfect ending. love it
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hey so i love this its short but sweet and very well writen i loved it keep up the good work and keep writing
your smile as you say,
"I love you my dear",
I hug you tight,
then that was it,
tonight was,
Our one sweet kiss
love this part
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yes, love is always welcome by the kisses and by the heart of the loveful sentiments..your words are quite melodious and quite magical which belong to the arena and the magic of the attraction for the beloved and an invitation for the love making is quite apprarent in the every line of this wonderful love verse..well done...
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behind
Hello there!
Thanks for sharing this sensual poem with us. I like the shape of it. Am pleased to read that it is loving as well.
Have an awesome day,
BJ.
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Wow! Is all I can say to this one. This was beautiful in all its glory. This piece just shines bright. Best wishes to you and thank you for sharing. Keep that pen handy dear poet.
♥ Touchof1der -
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White chocolate lips? Say whaaaat?
"Your soft loving touch behind" <--Um, I'm leavin' that one alone...
Yeah okay this just sounds like an 8 year old girl's daydream. It's unoriginal. boring. Bland. CLICHE.
Keep writing and find YOUR voice. -
><;;;;
"white chocolate"
ok...the poems good. ok? it's good. but no. not that line. lol.....too many bad connotations. the poem's great, but it makes me feel like im being hit on by a black guy.
Really truly good thoug (especially the length--it could even be SHORTER! too many people just don't know when more is just more, not better.)
ah kinda like the descending line length, leading to a pyramid shape to the poem.
but im sorry. i can't get over that line.
if you decide to fix it, reply to my comment, please. -
here you go..
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absolutely breath taking. I love it. simply beautiful.
such a sweet kiss, and being in love makes all the more sweeter. great job on this poem
good luck in the contest.
kat -
That was a very sweet kiss and I thank you for sharing your words with me. Good luck in the contest and keep writing poet. seamaiden ♥
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Sometimes your best work comes from a spur of the moment. Great job, and good luck.
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This is a good piece thank you for your entry in my contest best wishes and much love always
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