At the seashore, singing waves called her name.
So dive, she did, into salty brine.
Her ballet in the water was one of grace,
The finest I ever did witness.
She soared through the ocean
Like the albatros in flight,
And played games the children had forgotten.
She relished the sea,
And smiled like sunrise,
But too far out she got caught,
And hence became a prisoner of water.
Heaven had waited long enough
And stole her beauty from me.
Princess of land, Persephone was.
She skipped through the flowered feilds.
Saw what good was the world, she did.
The beauty of air and sky and land.
She smiled at paths she happened upon
And bowed to the innocence of what was presented.
But too close she did get
To the Underworld's wrath
Where she now resides with Hades.
Heaven had waited long enough
To give up true purity to Hell.
Author notes
Well, this is an odd poem. I'm not quite sure if it would be considered dark, but that's where I'm putting it. It's about how God can take things that once had purity in them, and then had something bad happen to them which caused the to go insane and do something crazy like kill someone and still send them to Hell even though they were once pure. I hope you all understood what I just said. If not, IM me and I'll try to better explain it.
A contest entry
- dark writes (just...make me feel something) by my--i u--k i.
542 points, ended January 28, 2008, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best Prewrites From January 2008 by amaranthine lover.
2550 points, ended February 22, 2008, 55 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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beautiful
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I'm not 100% on this but I'm pretty sure there is no heaven in greek mythology, just the place where the gods reside up above, and hades wasn't like the western culture's 'hell', the underworld was a place that all dead souls went to, it wasn't neccesarily a bad place to go, just meant the end of your time on earth. Hades was simply the deliverer of lost souls or something like that, not the devil.
But a good poem none the less
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Why are you talking like Yoda?
The reference to Persephone would be better placed closer to the allusions to Hades and the Underworld, but I like the concept. This poem shows a lot of potential if you focus on content rather than wordplay. Your imagery was satisfactory.
There are lots of times when you have separate sentences that would be best combined into one.
Structure worked for me.
Respect -
well. I think that you could be....clearer with the losing purity.
....
see......I hate it when people say good write????????lol.
just check the finalists list. =P
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