My Gabriel,
I said I would save you.
The heat of your fire sears my soul
Transfiguring hope to ash
And mirth to dust.
I pray they fly on fire's roar
And escape this place-less dwelling,
A thoughtless waste of precious breath
As there is no God here.
Your shadow and darkness engulf my mind
As wave upon wave of chromatic hatred
Hurl me about this ocean of rage
I'll fight to stay afloat
As thousands of fiendish hands pull at my seems
And courage silenced...
Drown by sight of the beastly Beasts
Your soul has to cleave.
Is this the brunt of your life...
The burden you had to hold?
Tears melt before leaving mine eyes
As beats stand still a little longer each time.
These anguish etched cries of peers
Do permeate through my being,
But I refuse to add my voice to their scream...
I have no regret for what I've done,
And if given the choice
I'd choose this path again to run
And again, and again...
I'd cast myself into fire and more.
I said I would save you.
From Hell Fire, and Death,
I will save you.
Author notes
1. Name [Real & User]: Sasha, Sashaness
2. Age: 18
3. Amount of Poetic Experience: About three years worth
4. Typical/Strongest Style: free verse
5. Unusual/Weakest Style: structure
6. Favorite Type of Inspiration: Pictures
7. Amount of Multiround Experience: Zero
8. Some Accomplishments: None to speak of
9. One Fact I Don’t Know About You: I never give up
10. Additional Comments You’d Like Me To Read: Even if you dont accept me now, I know you will later!
A contest entry
- project poetry season one [prewrite & fresh auditions] by blackday.
600 points, ended March 27, 2008, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
-
Wow. See I definantly read this backwards (I read the second part first). This seems very much so like someting I myself would write, as i do have a bleak view on life. I constantly write dark things, and after reading this, I am inspired. I lost in a world filled with Demons and restless spirits like those you see in book snad movies, constaly craving blood and death. Great write, I highly enjoyed this, and will now be adding it to my favourites, if you don't mine.
Please, keep penning, dear poet. 
-
-
I'm glad you enjoyed it fellow poet! Darien says I beat him on this one, but I think we're about even lol
And yeah his makes more sense after reading mine.
-
-
Maybe I don't get it. I did get the meaning, I did. I think it's a lovely write, but I didn't see anything about it that really made me say "DAMN! that was amazing." It was well done, but not above & beyond.
You may enter again or revise or something of the sort if you wish. :]
-
-
Oooh what a bummer. It's okay though, I'll just have to give you "DAMN! that was amazing!" Next time
-
-
Outstanding write...
-
wow--that is amazing and great picture i love it
♥ meg
-
Oh, you two are clever! What complimenting writes you have! I enjoyed both absolutely, and both perfictly described the appropriate figures.
Absolutely devine!
Burmina
-
Fantastic!! You guy have done a brilliant collaboration here...
-
nice..! i liked the imagery.. n the lil story you have woven... the whole idea of a promise always adds a bit of magic to any write... n you have used it well!
Good job!!
pretty long but all of it is good! n very good choice of words!
-
This was gorgeous. I enjoyed reading it.
-
The sustained intensity of this piece is amazing. I love the little pieces of abstract alliteration you interject into the dialogs. Very creative piece. The amelioration before the ending...eh...I suppose a piece of indulgence is quite okay. Thanks for writing something interesting that I didn't have to be embarrassed to publish my thoughts on.
-
-
Wow uh thanks for reading and commenting...I'm glad my piece is not embarrassing lol.
-
-
you two are awesome.
-
I haven't read the other part,
But this is damn good.
Actually, it's awesome!
This is some of the best work I've seen in a while,
So...
Well done!
Along with another,
Or alone,
Keep it up, Sasha.
-Saint
Adding your comment:
1 - 14 of 14
