Where have you flown?
Oh, Alitar!
When I cannot see beyond tomorrow
through our peoples pain and sorrow.
You followed paths past salvation
flaming wings broke in formation.
Where?
My Alitar!
That I cannot follow.
Before the days when dragon’s fell,
the red Suns bled our homes now fled.
We were mountain’s granite and clay
you held the many oceans at bay.
We remember destinies!
Proud days passed to lesser races,
greater hopes flew higher places,
grace lit crafted halls, widely seen,
represented judgments supreme.
You were our sword!
We are empty sheaths.
The wind swept clean integrity,
we held together our unity.
Charged with protecting the universe
culling things both evil and perverse.
Where shall we go?
Oh Alitar, where,
that you might find us.
Wisdom’s reward: to those survivors
moved beyond self – able advisors -
above the young-violent twistings.
The magic contained in the mists.
Alitar;
We know our shame!
Through virtuous youth – disagree
A culling was let to set free;
rising mistake of mercy’s heart
And our great nation fell apart.
Oh, Alitar,
Won’t you please
come home?
Before the days when dragon’s fell,
the red Suns bled our homes now fled.
We were mountain’s granite and clay
you held the many oceans at bay.
The universe is lonely
and I have
but one heart to give.
A contest entry
- 40 Golden Poets.... {Invite Only} by PerfectImperfection.
600 points, ended February 7, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Story-Telling Poems by Cover Fire Hero.
600 points, ended May 8, 13 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Quite a fascinating poem. Congratulations on the gold.
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Finalist
Pretty good man, all-around, thanks for your entry. -
I love the way this wrapped up at the end... From start to finish a solid and graceful sequence of thought embedded within. Nicely done! Thank you so much for your entry & Best wishes in the contest!
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Quite an imagination, my Friend!
The feel and appeal of Magic & Dragons slew me...
"The wind swept clean integrity,
we held together our unity.
Charged with protecting the universe
culling things evil and perverse."
Oh! Alitar, Come Home!
~ Nicky♥
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What a lovely peice! Well thought out, laid out, and brought out. There is certainly an archaic feel to this, one that you can imagin yourself back with the knights and dragons. I am quite impressed with the concept, as well. A lament for dragons- almost as if we were wishing it to come back to us in this very day.
As far as critical points, I can't come up with any. You have a nice variance in diction and line lenght. There is a fairly consistant beat that flows, and the topic certainly is interesting.
Over all, well done and good luck in the contest!
Burmina
. Rewarded 8
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What an imagination
It takes a lot of thought and heart to write a poem like this
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This is beautifully written. I particularly loved the line"
"You were our sword!
We are empty sheaths."
You have captured the classical feel of epic poetry, but the language is easy to comprehend. Good luck in this contest. Peace, Liz
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A ballad to remember. Superb. A truly wonderful piece. ~Pamela
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The following is not blank or empty praise. It is my try opinion, not added to at all.
I can imagine this poem becoming extremely famous in the future and someone writing an epic novel or movie on it. This is beautiful! It flows, it invokes emotions, it tells a story! This story, I can imagine it as famous as Middle Earth.
Chelsea
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