A stroll through the forest any time of the day
I hear the birds singing and watch the trees sway
sun shines down through with rays so intense
feelings of great peace invade me and I quietly pray.
Staring in wonder at this world so immense
from pure azure skies to strong earth, it makes sense
realising what a small part of creation I am
take my place in this heartbeat where there is no pretense.
In swell's of well being's ocean my lightened heart swam
as I viewed all around me, this earth is no sham
it's only mankind that so messes with nature
building great structures that aren't worth a damn.
Author notes
"Interlocking Rubáiyát"
In a list
A contest entry
- Write 3 or 4 or 5 stanzas as "Interlocking Rubáiyát" . # 36 by Lyndon.
1750 points, ended January 27, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
-
Hello.
Your rhyme is almost perfect. However, if you read through the prompt notes again, dear poet, you will see that line three of the final stanza must complete the end-rhyme scheme by rhyming with line one of the poem. The rhythm needs attention as it, too, must properly scan, in this form.
Fine theme of the pristine peace of the natural world.
-
This verse has a beautiful feel to it but your lines need to keep the same syllable count and meter. In addition, your final stanza must tie back with the third line to rhyme with the leading rhyme in stanza.
Beautiful words though and quite uplifting, but needs a tad of work to adhere to the form. ~Pamela
-
you are so right.. glance at the birds and nature around you . and it all begins to make sense hugs xx
-
Very uplifting.
I live in a town where I can still see the mountains and get into nature, but I've lived in the big city. I'd rather be in nature.
-
an interesting form this is! Beautiful flowing poem with imagery and strong message in this..gorgeous!
-
For a change it isn't the poetry or even ripple of words that have captured me, but the message. Yet this does fit the rules of the contest, and very well.
Good luck.
Jim
-
this is such a beautiful write and the imagery that flows within this is amazing. well done and best of luck
-
Well this is quite an interesting form, this Interlocking Rubáiyát! I definately love the imagery you have inside the words here dear Alice
A wonderful nature poem this is!
Leander -
Wow you always do these nature writes with uplifting passion, your inspiration is never ending hun, goodluck in the contest... love you
Karen
Adding your comment:
1 - 9 of 9
