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Kingdom Within

My religion?

I can not say
I trace atoms,
I look at an object,
maybe
a plastic fork,
I imagine the atom
within,
I see the atom
in delivery,
packaging,  
manufacturing
and back.....
the development
of the plastic
through the
mining of the oil
to create the plastic,
the dinosaurs that died
to make the oil,
my atom
sitting in a pterosaur
trodding

over Eden,
I keep going back
into the universe,
the heat of the cosmos,
the interplanetary gravitational pulls,
and the big bang,
I follow through all of this,
and then.....
my imagination takes over,
this tells me
my mind is not finite
and for that reason
god is not such a crazy idea.

A contest entry

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Comments


  • ellipsist
    January 22, 2008

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    I like the direction, the feeling, the cyclical flow of this piece, however, I would have preferred to see metaphor utilized a bit more as you quite plainly state your message/beliefs - I just feel more creativity, more poetic devices could have been utilized...

  • mcjb
    January 17, 2008

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    I like it very much from "My atom" to "and the big bang" then scratch the next few lines until "my mind is not finite etc...
    everyhing else sounds like mundane thoughts, not needed to be written.
    i know i'm full of it!


  • grassisgreener
    January 13, 2008

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    here's the thing! i love the idea of this. what i don't like are the constant commas--they really hinder the flow of the piece. you should only use commas when it sounds natural as in speech.
    also, the last line seems like a cop out. it builds up in such a unique fork-worshipping way and then doesn't deliver with a bang of insight at the end. keep working this piece, it will pay off! =]


  • BellaD
    January 10, 2008

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    I like how this starts with a simple thought about a mundane object and concludes with thoughts about God. "god is not such a crazy idea" Well done. Good luck in the contest.