There she walks that little girl so pure, so Innocent but inside she's dead .Innocent and pure she was but she had be tasted,Withering away inside running inside to live her fake life so she doesn't have to feel. To have that pain of memory's,The memories of being touched.Innocent and pure she was inside shes hollow only thing beating is keeping her alive and she wants that gone too. She lost her will to fight she lost herself deep inside.
But innocent and pure its OK they say "Rape" but they don't understand what its like to have been taken unknowing feeling empty inside,to feel the hate of all man kind.
But innocent and pure don't let it control you don't hate man kind but learn from experince so for future times you can help another innocent and pure.
A contest entry
- Pre-writes & Fresh Writes Welcome Here! by LadyUnique.
300 points, ended January 17, 2008, 65 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I by N e a r.
2300 points, ended February 3, 2008, 220 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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You expressed these delicate emotions quite clearly to the audience. It's a touchy subject to write about, but you came in the clearing.
Again, line breaks are a plus to a poem. Also, the repetition of "innocent" and "pure" starts to loose the poem's natural effect.
Thanks for entering your write at A N Y T H I N G ~ G O E S ! Good luck!
M a r l u x i a
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O.k. I get what's It about, Deep, emotional. A little constructive criticism: You should look it over and try to work on it more. I think that It can become more alive. Good luck
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these are words of wisdom especially the last few lines. very realistic. thank you for entering and good luck
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