I keep drifting.
When will it stop?
The churning of the ocean,
swirling all around me.
My contents for the eyes of one.
Will he ever read the poetic words?
Meant for only him.
I lose track of my task.
Take this bottle to him.
But the ocean's so big.
How will I find that one man?
I keep drifting.
Dreaming of warm shores.
This ocean is much too harsh.
Will she know,
the author of the words,
if I never find him?
Will she know I tried?
I keep drifting.
Sun bathed beaches call me,
but this is the task at hand.
I must complete it.
I must make her proud
and him joyful.
I keep drifting.
Messenger of the sea.
I will find him.
Author notes
#5 - Write from bottle's view... at the mercy of the sea
A contest entry
- 145th Contest by Tarja.
450 points, ended January 11, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
Very cool... I like how you repeatedly asked questions. And the option you chose was a great one... I think that with this though, less is better... maybe try to cut it up a bit... ? Just a suggestion, overall not bad. Thank you for entering and good luck.
-
-
I think you are right and I removed the third stanza because after reading it again I didn't feel like it had any real purpose. Thank you for your comment and good luck with your contest!
♥
-
Adding your comment:
