The Autumn leaves flutter in silence as they fly to earth,
vibrant vivid hues of colours as they prepare for rebirth.
Nature’s own carpet woven softly, builds a gentle array,
mimicking the sunset which glows at close of every day
They teach us clearly of messages life constantly brings,
the bright and dark and of so many other wondrous things.
A palette of colours and shades, for paintings in our mind,
for we allow reality to build, from all those colours we find.
We’ll see scores of visions, as they lay motionless before,
a myriad of real revelations and memories will forth pour.
And they will show us how to understand our own past deeds,
including the facing of our future and forthcoming needs.
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A contest entry
- Open Door by SurelyWritten.
303 points, ended March 28, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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I read the comments below- I found the most recent to be quite harsh, and while I agree that this is a centuries old subject- I think you did a fairly decent job with the images. I am not particularly fond of the last stanza, it seems emptier than the first two- The rhyme was some-what generic, although not as bad as some of the pieces people tried to enter. I will keep this entry in and consider it for judging... Let me know if you edit it just in case I don't get a chance to come back...
I am asking that everyone in the contest send me a message or respond to my comment telling my why they chose the particular poem they entered, for my contest. Only contestants that do this will be eligible for winning when it comes time for judging.
Thanks for entering,
Shirley
(A more critical review may follow during judging, but no applauses will be given to any entry, even the ones that deserve them.) -
So-so poetry, trite
You obviously have not edited this poem too many times as one might expect you to do, seeing many re-writes make for great poetry; The subject is old hat, just ask William Wordsworth, and if attempted, one should pay more attention to the actual poetry. DW -
Excellent
The poem paints a real picture of the beauty of Autumn. I like the way you have interwover the shades of colour with the many aspects of life this fits rather well. I can see you clearly sitting there pondering the past the present and the future. An excellent write indeed Barry. all the best Brian.
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i love the first stanza it gives me a serene feeling.
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I enjoy the musicality of these lines -- the way the sounds swoop up and down as the thoughts progress, and how alliteration supports the end-rhyme format.
It's also a beautiful thought- that seeing Autumn Leaves can speak to us in such a deep way that we are able to re-construct and re-understand the experiences we've had in the past. Thanks! -
Vivid and entertaining is this piece! Such wonderful pictures for the minds eye, and profoundly perceptive to boot, BrudderBaz...wonderful job!
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This is such a great write. I loved the flow of this and the imagery was wonderful. And I loved the last line "including the facing of our future and forthcoming needs". I was so drawn to this. this is a wonerful write with such a vivid picture for the reader. WEll done.
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nature's own carpet...!
Great stuff! I love the desription and the imagery in this. You not only 'see' but you have the talent to describe that which you have seen... Excellent!
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