There the creature stands,
On its lone pinnacle,
Overlooking vast valleys.
Being watched,
Itself,
By the lost moon above.
Shifting weight uneasily,
From left to right,
Unsteady feet and heartbeat.
Mourning tears,
Falling,
Before the lost moon above.
Stars above the monster,
Shining bright endlessly,
Together in company.
Final smiles,
Sharing,
From the lost moon above.
Bellowing softly,
Inwards and outwards,
Unheard by the quiet many.
Silent end,
Sighing,
Beneath the lost moon above.
Captured in evening light,
A beam of difference,
Body becoming weightless.
Lifted up,
Slowly,
Unto the lost moon above.
Becoming one with the lost moon above...
A contest entry
- Something real by MadHatter1920.
300 points, ended February 19, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
please tell me what you think
Comments
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I have to say that it is very interesting. It's very pretty and smooth. Good luck in the contest!
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Here's something to try.
I really enjoyed reading this. The scene was well set. I would try maybe changing the status of the moon to enhance the emotional characteristic of the "creature". Instead of "faint" why not "poignant" or "whistful"... Try playing with it and see what you think. =)
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Wow that's really good. Keep it up! ( =
<3 -
great poem, I like the way it flows off my tongue when I say it out loud, like smoke, sort of adds to the over all feeling of whispy-ness I like it.
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