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Smoke In Our Eyes

 

 

We walked through the valley to the top of the hill
And the children sing what tomorrow brings
Joyful smiles took them there
But what they found we could of never prepared

They've got smoke in there eyes
They've got smoke in there eyes

Over the hill we still carried on strong
We would stop for awhile but the meadows are gone
Just fat cats sneaking everywhere
Heard strange voices lets get out of here

We've got smoke in our eyes
We've got smoke in our eyes.

So we walked through the forest of buildings Grey
And we soaked ourselves in the acid rain
Saw a strange creature crawl from a box
We tried to help but he wouldn't stop

He's got smoke in his eyes
He's got smoke in his eyes

So we carried on through those dimming lights
I held on to my children they were scared for there lives
Heard a strange scream then a shot in the night
Welcome my children to hells paradise

We've all got smoke in our eyes
We've all got smoke in our eyes

 

 

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • Girl Mad As Birds
    October 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The is beautifully haunting. I love the repetition through out it. I especially liked this:

    So we walked through the forest of buildings Grey
    And we soaked ourselves in the acid rain
    Saw a strange creature crawl from a box
    We tried to help but he wouldn't stop

    Thank you for entering!


  • LeilaJayne
    May 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oh i love the repition of this. Smoke in his/our etc eyes. It works really well! This is really great well done x


  • Redrusty66
    April 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Haunting imagery in this piece, great construction and flow. Eyecatching title. The mournful atmosphere it created took real artistry. "Welcome my children to hells paradise"...awesome inspired line. Thanks for the great read.


  • TrixieOne
    March 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is cool, almost like what happens to survivors of armageddon. Interesting take.
    Thanks for entering. Best of luck


    • Timespell
      March 6, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Yep...

      Not a nice vision is it! But then again I would not like to be around after the so called final hour.

      Thanks for reading and commenting on my piece.

      All the best,

      ~T.S~


  • Breaking Inside
    January 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    wow this is amazing... is this a song? oh and good luck in my contest!!!


  • georgie
    January 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Love it... funny thing tis when i was reading it the smoke from my cigarette blew directly in my eyes. im not sure if thats where the tears are coming from or the poem.
    blessed be n lots of hugs,
    georgie,
    xxx

    • Timespell
      January 10, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks Georgie,

      Well if this was what the future would be like.
      I can tell you there would not be a lot of us left to cry.

      All the best,

      ~T.S~


  • volcaniclastic
    January 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This rocks! Amazing poem, dear - I love how the imagery is portrayed, and I especially love how it sounds like a song? Lyrics, oui?

    One point I would like to make: It would sound smoother if you said "He's got smoke in his eyes"

    Other than that, great write!

    • Timespell
      January 9, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks for reading and commenting

      I must admit I did have it that way originally, but could not make my mind up on that line. But Yep, I have changed it back.

      Thanks again,

      All the best,

      ~T.S~

1 - 10 of 10