Loliconcept - COMPLETE: "To Be Alright"

I.

I see her
That... young little girl
How old could she be
Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen?
She's so... tranquil
Cute, alone, sitting there
Reading

Her clothing is tom-boyish
Black jeans and a white tee
With a cut-up heart imprinted
Does her family love her?
Does she have family?
Still reading what could be
A cheap graphic novel
I watch, waiting

I am a lurker
A man of nineteen
I've never known love
But I adore this... thing
My long brown hair
Messily falls in my eyes
My all-black garb
Draws cold looks from cold eyes

But this girl
With her pale, white skin
Black hair and young eyes
Doesn't know me, see me
Doesn't even care
She'll be mine soon enough
But how?

They've all seen me
These... heartless "Humans"
Humane?
My ass
Their cold eyes always distrust me
But her sixth sense
Draws no attention to me
I shall take my chances

I sit next to her
On that cheap seat of cement
I sit next to her
And she pays me no notice
A striking comparison
To those who'd look strange at me
Before walking away
She doesn't care, though
A mistake?

The bright sun shimmers my eyes
As I watch into the sky holding it
A frog seems to have found its way in my throat!
What to say?
What to say?

I stare down to the floor
Of dirt, cement
Dry whilst nothing grows
My hands on my knees
My face ripe-red, must be
As she turns the page

"You a'right?"
She asks, not shifting her glance
I feel fake sweat on my face
I'm silent still
Will... can I go through?
Her expression still froze the same

"Yee-yeah...! Just fine!"
I finally say
It's so late, it feels so awkward
"Just fine..."

I hear her say "Nice", I think
But I'm not all too sure
Her eyes are still glued to that
Book...

"So, what'cha reading?" I ask
I'll get no
Reply
She's probably just like
The rest

"Some stupid shounen," she says
Voice flat without expression
She's merely responding
Without any focus on
Me
Intent on that stupid
Book

"Oh?" I ask, curious about her
Maybe I can find something
To draw her out
"Any plot?" I prod
I may have found my hook
A bite might find to follow

She sets down that book
And shows those lovely blue eyes
An aura of sadness
Within them

"It's about some guy,"
She replies with honesty
An unfamiliar tone
"Who has a demon inside him."

Something hits that chord
I cannot go on!
She's hit an unseen weak point

She might know my life
Or probably not
But theres a definite first:
Understanding

She's looking at me
In my state of total shock
Innovation flickers in her face

"Take me away,"
She suddenly pleads
"Please"
For reasons unbeknown to me

I am THE lurker
A nineteen year old predator
My fear would make her my victim
But now I think I see
She might be the same as me
Though younger
As I tell to her
"Alright."

II.

So hard to explain
How it feels
What it's like
As her hair flutters
As she enters my
Home

That curious look on her face
As she walks through that cold
White door
I still know
Nothing about her

When I told her
"Alright"
She'd picked up that book
Silently turned behind me

Instinctively
I walked away
She'd followed without a word

She said nothing
As I took her to abode
Opened that creaky door
For her

This rotted abyss
With so many things a-miss
A mess of old wood and old painting

No one's ever cared
So I never cared
But I'm embarrassed
Now,
For her

She is in my house
With eyes of wide thought
As if trying to figure it out

"Do you... trust me?"
She asks
I can feel a tear in her soul

"Do you trust me?"
I respond
The sadness returned
Not another word is said

She walks into
My quarters
As if they were her
Own
I feel my legs become like liquid

She turns back to me
A smile, I see
And suddenly
I feel... at ease

Who is she?
This pale skinned youth
That I picked up at a child's park

She will not tell me
This black-haired Lolita
One I dreamed to molest
At dark...
No more

She turns to me
So intently
Differently
As if to ask a
Question

She has all of me
I'm listening
Patiently
She knows she has my
Attention

"You... live alone?!"
She asks
Crying like she made a
Mistake

"That I do,"
I reply
That cold look's in her eyes
Suddenly, I know that she...
Fears me

I join her in tears,
My new dream disappears
And I remember
I took her
For sex

That demon is back
Can I resist to attack?
Please don't let sex...
Happen next

I go for my fly
Cry, girl, cry
Your soul will be mine,
As mine is

No, I can't go
Know she's no hoe
I can't let myself go that low
Now
She's crying

I am a predator
A corrupter of minors
A pathetic ole' piece of shit
I know my shit fate
But, it's not quite too late
To stop myself from accepting it

My fly is down
Hands shaking
I haven't drawn weapon yet
The door is now closed
As I stop and compose
Something to say as I weep

"I will not... let myself hurt you."
I say
Stepping away
She's taken a fetal position

She's sweaty
Clothes wet
Crying
But I've stopped myself
-- for now

"P-please... don't le-eave me,"
I pray
My breath so heavy
Full for regret
As she whispers... in tears
"...Al--ri-ight..."

III.

Staring into those crystalline eyes
The seconds feel like hours
I don't really know what to say
Starting anew again

She seems to want to yell at me
And I, to whisper to her
To tell her that I'll do no harm

The words I need...
Escape me

She's sitting there
Both feet on ground
Her hands crossed
Over her legs
I almost see her in a fluttering dress
But that tom-boyish clothing is real

She evades my eyes
Her hair waves as she turns
Shimmering in the pale light
Her eyes have tears
Red and now drying
I want to hold her and say
It's okay

But, no

"..."
The silence is piercing
I can't even describe the
Atmosphere

"I..." I start
But don't know where to go
She's like a puppeteer
And I'm speechless

"It's alright..."
She breaks in
Still evading my gaze
She's trying to tell me
...It's fine

It's not.

"No..." I reply
"Yes..." She does, too
"No," I'm feeling a bit braver
"Yes!" she exclaims
She's leaning to me now
Piercing my once strong glare
With the fire of her own

I don't realize how
But her hair's messy now
It's different than was before

She seems stronger
Some thing's amiss
But God knows I know anything

Her eyes pierce me with intricate pain
I'm fearing her, now
Myself
How could I have let this be
I'm afraid of that which I lust

I feel as if blood is dripping
From her once innocent lips
Her eyes seem dark
I am alarmed
As I begin to feel introvert

I have a slight twist to my brow
I'm scared, my eyes feel cold
I am the predator, not her
I've told myself this before
But she's leaning in on me, getting closer
I want to scream and shout
But I can't even find myself
So what is there to fear

"It's alright."
She says, so softly
I'm breathing heavily
She's trying to comfort me now
But I want to run away
She's over me
Looking down
Trying to figure out
Why I'm sweating
Breathing so loud
Making a jacket of myself

Its so awkward
As the memories tunnel in
I want not to remember them
But I'm stuck in whirl-wind
I'm going into that spiral, now
I feel I can't see straight
I remember HIM on top of ME
I can't escape this dream I hate
I see myself as he holds me down
Pressing deep in me
I try to break out and break free
As I begin to feel myself bleed

This memory has me stuck now
She's panicking, I see
She's never seen me in these frets
But I feel myself break free
I let off my self-given
Straight-Jacket
I try to let myself relax
I look at her and quietly proclaim
"It's Okay, I am and you'll be
Alright."

IV.

It's the first night that we're together,
I... can feel our souls are close
Sleeping on my own couch
She's got my bed (tonight...)
I don't know what she wanted
When she asked me to take her
But that angst that hid inside her eyes
Made sure I would not say no

My own past is haunting me
What is it that I want
I could fuck her and make her mine
But... for some reason, I can't

I think of my own past, deeper now
How HE tore into ME
I know she wouldn't want that
But still... I don't know what
I want, either

"She's only around 12,"
I think, but then again, was I
Why should I suffer my burden alone
Why should I make her share it?

I... Don't... know

I had hissy fits every night
Telling myself I was alright
I never told a soul my shame
That haunting horror still remains
I didn't want to be alone
But at home I still felt not at "home"
I'm torn and ripped in every way
I am not sure if I am okay
But look what I have gone and done
I have become that which I shunned

I think in my head what she's doing
Sleeping? Maybe, I hope
But still, I can't help but wonder
I cannot sleep like this

I get up, slowly
My legs ache
No creeks, no noise, no sound
I move silently on the carpet
It rubs gently on my bare feet

I take a step
And then another
Soon I'm by my bedroom door
It's shut tight
I don't remember
Ever closing it

Earlier, I tucked her in
She slept in those same tom-boyish
Clothes
And I told her that she'd be fine
Now I've gone spied on her

Should I turn back
She's probably sleeping
But there's still curiosity
Should I look in
She might be crying!
And not sleeping so tightly

I don't want to peek in
But I do want to peek in

I hear a sound

It sounds like a voice of pain
A whimper
Perhaps a nightmarish sound
I'm slightly worried now
As I push open the door

Her eyes are open
Serene and blue,
She's wide awake, looking at me
Not crying
She has a slight look of surprise on her face
No, definitely not crying
She's covered in my blankets
Her face has a slight shine
Her breath seems slightly heavier
Am I... imagining things?

She looks away
Awkward silence

I decide to take a step into the room

"Were... were you?" I start to ask
Her eyes widen as she stares back at me
And then her glance shifts

"I... I..." she starts
I... I don't know what to say!!
Was she doing IT?
That forbidden thing
That thing I cannot quit
She could have been, I can see it
I don't want to see it!

Watery...
"Eh-h... eh-h"
Her breathing... irregular
Her eyes... unfocused
Her mouth... slightly open
She wipes at her eyes to cover
Those... tears

She was
But I shouldn't care,
As I turn away
Grabbing that door nob behind me
I move to close---

"Wait-!" she whispers, solemnly
She's... asking me to stay?
I feel so different than before
I shift only my head to
Face her
"Hmm?"
My voice feels so... emotionless

She sits up, still wrapped in my
Blankets
I try not to think why
She dries her eyes with her tee's
Sleeve
And turns her stare towards
Me

"What... are you going to do?"
She asks, irregular pauses in her
Whimpers

I shift my hand through my hair
Mentally noting hers is messy
"Elaborate." I request

"Why did you take me away
No one else ever cared
Do you wish to...
Molest
Me
Or... what is it you want?"

"I... don't know," I reply
After an infinity (it seems) of waiting
My posture is gone
I'm feeling weak, now
I'm more nervous than ever

More silence

"So... why?" she prods

"...Ripped into me..." I feel myself think
No, no, no, no no

"So... what were you after... when you interrupted...
My own little--
...My reading?" she feels more nervous

My thoughts finally escape

"I am a predator,
A nineteen year old asshat
I meant to make our flesh as one
But when I looked into your eyes
I say my shame in them
I saw me crying
Like you'd understand
How I... I..."
I stopped

She looks at me with those pretty eyes
Her tears are now long dry
She's piercing into my soul, it seems
I feel naked, but so safe

She finally opens that mouth of hers
To tell me something I need to hear
She finally opens her little mouth
And says, "You're really not all that
Alright."

V.

She's looking at me
With those pretty
Blue eyes
Tear drops falling
Tear drops fading
She looks so beautiful
To me

She's so important
I want her to feel
So much better
Than
The way she feels now
I want to make her
Feel good

What have I become
What am I right now
So disturbing
So disgusting
And yet, she's so
  pure
 
"Are you Ok?"
she opens that little
mouth
So innocent
So sick in my mind
Such purity
To me

And yet I find myself speechless
No words will leave my lips
Nothing to reach out unto her
Until I say,
"Are you?"

I've never seen such
  a pretty face
I've never seen
  such disgrace
I've never seen
  such tears

She's melting into me

"No"
she gasps, her face so red
I want to speak
But stay quiet instead
I want to tell her
That she'll be fine
But I cannot
Let myself lie
Cause I don't know
No, I don't know

"Want to talk?"
I ask, with fear
"Yes"
she says to me
Explaining
Pouring her little
Heart out

"My mother's dead
My father hate me
My brothers ran
He tried... he tried..."

She was silent
But I knew
I knew enough
To understand

I am a predator
A man of Nineteen
I am like her
And her father like me
I hate who I am
She'd hate me too
But I understand
If only she knew

And she's a pretty girl
A torn kid-sex-toy
That made herself human
For this mocking-bird-boy
That sat on a park bench
Reading about demons and kids
Who saved a stupid predator
From the demon inside him

"Don't worry,"
I whispered
Not sure how to go on
"I swear I won't hurt you"
I promised
I swore
And she looked up at me
Wiping the tears from
Her eyes
And in a raspy voice
Said
"I'll be
Alright."