So lay my head down to sleep
Please god I hope not to weep
For if I lay here wide awake
Unable to see the dreamland break
Ocean currents of never-never land
Held up high in god's right hand
May dreams come soon
By light of moon
Helping me to rest
So I may feel my best
Sing sweet songs of hope
So my eyes will go on a downward slope
The winds special whistle is a soothing tune
Puts my soul to rest under the light of the moon
Finally asleep everything is right
Underneath a moon lit night
A contest entry
- A Peaceful Easy Feeling by davidwright.
600 points, ended June 15, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me what you got...2 by Luckintheshadows.
1000 points, ended June 20, 2008, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Unappreciated Brilliance by KayJay.
1300 points, ended June 23, 2008, 18 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your Best Pre-Written Rhyme by piccola.
800 points, ended August 15, 2008, 90 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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thats nice
very beautiful
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delightfully dreamy
Aww so very nice. It has a lullabye feel to it and just rolls so smoothly its soothing.
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We all long for that feeling of peace so we can rest. Feel our eyelids go on that downward slope that will take us gently into sleep. thank you for entering
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I found this quite awkward. Not to say the sentiments aren't nice of course, but the feeling didn't come across as much as I would've liked.
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Nicely done... smooth flow and rhyme... More prayer than poem but gentle in tone...
From a critical viewpoint (you didn't think I was going to let you off easy did you?
) and just my opinion... There is a confusion here... you say "so my eyes will go on a downward slope"... it took a moment for me to get you were refering to sleep probably because this is not my usual frame of reference... Other than that, I found this wonderfully complete.
I think this is a really good work just from the emotions here... Thank you for sharing...Truely, this is what I was hoping for... and it's unappreciated no longer.
Ken
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such a pleasantly relaxing feel to this poem...makes me yearn for dreamland to come and take me away...your beautiful imagery and flow really speaks to me.
Thanks for sharing this, and entering my contest,
Luck. -
I am sorry that you did not survive the judging of Level Four: Presentation/Grammar
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Written almost like a lullaby - good cadence.
Very interesting write. Thanks for thre entry and happy trails -
thanks for joining my contest
good luck -
A soothing lullaby indeed. 'Ocean currents of never-never land', I love this line. Best wishes and thank you for entering.
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This piece is very good!!!! It seems to calm you as you read!!! Many times I need this from my readings and I thank you for sharing this piece with us..... Best wishes in the contest!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Gentle
Sweet tender cloudy write, a lullaby, but more. A gentle write this piece. Thank you for entering.
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this has been entered in other contests so I'm afraid I have to DQ you. Please see the rule hi-lited in red.
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I dont really see how this fits into my contest. Though it's a good poem. Thanks for entering!
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