Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Me and Mum's

Soft winds blow through the primrose
And the violets of the fields
As I lay by our gate
To watch starlings in the sky
Our kittens in the garden chase bees and butterflies
And under a golden sun our dog at the door
Sips milk with mother cat and brother squirrel
And not a one to question how or why
Such a world can exist, from fruits of love
Can come all of this (a song to sing) every morning
Fresh baking and daffodils (a sweet, gentle kiss) calling
Lilacs in the city, roses on the hill
A butterfly kiss . . . to flutter in an eyelash wish
As a soft gentle purr from a kitten's fur meows

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • whispernthedark Greeters member
    January 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Lovely write. Thank you so much for sharing and entering the contest. Good luck.

    ♥
    whisper


  • SunDew
    January 11, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This poem flows so well! You know how Shakespeare wrote things that didn't truly rhyme, but it felt as if it did? (If you need an example, read one of his plays...my favorite is "Romeo And Juliet".) That's what you've done with this poem, & it's wonderful! Of course there are words that rhyme, like "daffodils" & "hill", but there's not a rhyme scheme I can see.

    Did you write as if you & your mom were enjoying this together?

    Another thing I like about your piece is the imagery...I can see this with my own eyes.

    For some reason, this poem leaves me wanting more. Not a bad thing, so don't think it is. It feels as if it should be longer, but that's up to you. I like it this way.

    Thank you lots for sharing & good luck in both contests!
    ~SunfloweRose

  • SunDew
    January 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You have to add me to your favorites to officially enter...as soon as you do so, I'll comment on your poem.

    Thanks,
    ~SunfloweRose


  • midnight eyes
    January 9, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Hmm something different I like it alot.



    Amber